When the dev team has to find a critical PROD bug without repro steps from tester
https://ift.tt/2UNKGsJ
It all.
The title says it all.
What do you call a line of blonde people?
A barbie queue
(NSFW) I just heard a joke about Oedipus and Midas
It was Motherfucking Gold.
What do you call a spinning potato?
A ro-tator!
My wife asked me if I want a handjob or regular sex
I : handjob definitely . She(surprised) : why is that? I : because one in the hand is worth two in the bush
Why doesn’t the bullet have a steady job
Because it keeps getting fired
My son’s math teacher called him average
I just think he's mean
One tectonic plate bumped into another and said…
“Sorry, my fault.”
My friend drowned in a vat of varnish. He had a terrible end,
but a lovely finish.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I got the words “jacuzzi” and ” yakuza” confused.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia
Coding in binary takes a lot of effort.
You have to do it bit by bit.
This morning a clown held the door for me.
It was a nice jester.
What’s the most remarkable invention of the last 100 years?
Dry erase board.
The more you fuck around, the more you’re gonna find out
The more you fuck around, the more you’re gonna find out
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
A blonde got tired of blonde jokes…
One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all of the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.
It’s an exact model because the dna doesn’t change at all there’s just more of them
https://ift.tt/35YyhXa
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?' 'I'm out of gas,' the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. 'Try it now,' said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'? The bee answered, ‘BP’
A man is lined up to putt on the 8th hole with some friends
Out of nowhere a ball comes flying in and hits him. The man doubles over cursing and clutching his hands tightly to his crotch. His friends giggle at his misfortune as a woman comes running over apologizing. "Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry. I didn't see you gentleman when I teed off!" The man red in the face wincing in pain is obviously not impressed by her apology. The woman goes on and explains "luckily I am a nurse. Maybe I could feel around and check to make sure everything is ok?". The man replies exasperated "sure sure do whatever, owww". So the nurse drops to her knees pulls the man's pants down and begins to massage his testicles checking for damage. "And how is that, any better?" she asks. To which the man replies: "Well it feels great but I still think my fucking thumb is broken!"
An employee was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here and my Secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?" “Certainly,” said the employee. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
Today, in honor of 4/20, I’m letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work.
It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
I just downloaded the Bohemian Rhapsody movie.
I think it was filmed in a movie theater, though – I see a little silhouetto of a man.
Robin: “Batman, this is Robin”
Robin: "I'm calling on the batphone, from the batcave. The batmobile won't start!" Batman: "Have you checked the battery?" Robin: "what's a tery?"
how it feels trying to learn a language
how it feels trying to learn a language
I turned left, turned right, went straight ahead and went back
None of those roads led to Rome. They led me to Arkansas. One of the roads left to the edge of a cliff. Unfortunately, I stopped driving.
You should invest in these stocks:
Chicken, vegetable, and beef. You’ll be a bouillonaire in no time.
TIL: If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
I was going to share a joke about planes.
But I do not think it will take off.
I like my women how I like my computer.
On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.
I’m terrified of 2022
Because 2022 is 2020 too
Donald Trump is reportedly banning the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
Why did the duck get arrested?
Because he was on quack
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
Remains to be seen
This playstore thing. Never gonna keep up with them. That’s why people look apple.
https://ift.tt/2NJO8lF