Wait until the boomers hear about VR
At last…….I have managed to find my wife’s ‘G’ spot….
….who would have thought her sister had it the whole time
If there’s one thing that makes me throw up.
It’s a dart board on a ceiling. (original: r/jokes)
A child’s laughter is the best thing you can hear.
Unless it's 3 am in your house and you don't have children.
I just realized, this sub doesn’t inherently make fun of boomer humor, it just compiles it.
Some boomer humor is actually good, some is wholeheartedly trash, but both sides of the spectrum exist, and both can be enjoyed.
My friend says he’s a compulsive liar…
I don’t believe him.
I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
They say to never go shopping for food when you’re hungry
but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
A man goes into a restaurant. He has a seat at a booth and opens a menu to find out that none of the foods have prices next to them.
He asks the waiter, “How much is the Fettuccine Alfredo?” The waiter says, “A penny.” The man exclaims, “A penny? How much for a steak?” The waiter says, “A nickel.” The man is astonished. “Are you serious? Where’s the man who owns this place? I’d like to shake his hand!” The waiter answers, “He’s upstairs with my wife.” Confused, the man asks, “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?” The waiter smiles and says, “The same thing I’m doing down here to his business.”
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid…
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody
I broke my finger at work today…
On the other hand, everything is OK
I met this sexy girl in a club tonight and told her she reminded me of my little toe. Giggling, she asked, “Why?! Is it because I’m small and cute!?”
"No…" I said. "It's because later, I'm gonna bang you hard on my coffee table."
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside
I never thought it was possible for clocks to have sex
But when the time came, I finally knew
I bought some bird seed today
I wonder what kind of birds they will grow into.
I got fired from the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts, but it was really a lack of Control. I see this as a fresh Start, I thought I would never Escape.
What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
One takes things literally and the other takes things, literally.
Eminem is the first celebrity to be diagnosed with the corona virus
In a statement he said his palms were sweaty knees weak arms were heavy and presented to the emergency room the vomit on his sweater already .Later tests conclude it was in fact moms spaghetti
Why don’t vegetarians moan during sex?
They don’t want to admit that a piece a meat makes them happy
Seeing a pattern here. It’s almost like the rule of law doesn’t matter to one group…
https://ift.tt/2M06X2D
I logged into Facebook the other day and got a message saying “We value your privacy.”
Well I know that. How else could you sell it?
Why did Shakespeare always write using a pen?
Pencils confused him…2B or not 2B?
“Dad, look! I’m a 3D printer!”
"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"
Man I love my furniture
Me and my recliner go way back.
Why do cows have hooves?
Cuz they lactose.
A Mormon is seated next to an Irishman on a plane..
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
Not a joke, just a thank you.
But seriously, thank you to everyone on this sub. I end my class periods with a joke of the day every day and I usually take them from here. There is never a day where the students don't unanimously sigh at the punch line!
