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All countries eventually got coronavirus
But China got it right off the bat.
Fun(ny way put) Facts About DNA | Science Is Fun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozq9418Cs0o&feature=youtu.be
A husband buys a dozen panties of the same color for his wife.
His wife protests:"Why all the same color, people will think I dont change my panties." Husband asks:"Which people?"
A robber enters a bank, he pulls out a gun, and he shouts: “Everyone on the ground. This is a robbery!”. Immediately, everyone in the bank drops down with their hands on their heads except for one man reading a newspaper.
The man lowers his newspaper and begins to stare at the robber with an amused look on his face. It makes the robber angry, so he walks towards the man, puts the gun to his face, and asks him: "what so funny, ha? You want to get shot?". The man's amused look turns into a smile as he answers the robber back: "You are joking right?". The robber, bursting with anger, places the gun one inch away from the man's face and says: "Say that again. I dare you". The man, who was previously completely relaxed, is now getting a bit worried. He lowers his newspaper further and says: "No, really. You are not serious, are you?". The robber sticks the gun into the man's forehead and threatens with a more serious tone: "One more word and I swear I am pulling the trigger". The man, no longer showing the slightest hint of amusement, says: "Look, there is a first time to everything, but this is unbelievable. Do you really have any idea of what you are doing?". "that is it!" the robber snaps. "I have a gun, you are unarmed, everybody else is scared to death, and there are zero guards in here! Don't you understand the situation? I completely got this under control!". At this point, the man puts down his newspaper with an honest, concerned look on his face. He looks the robber in the eye and says: "Dude, this is a blood bank".
You know what really makes my day?
The rotation of the earth
When I ever get to be a dad, I wanna start early.
If I would get to be the dad of a son, I'd name him Jason so on the moment of his birth I can get up and shout: "Jesus Christ, it's Jason, born!"
Me: This is my horse, Mayo!
Acquaintance: Why the hell is he called Mayo? He’s not even white! Mayo: [neighs]
I have some jokes about unemployed people.
But I know they won't work.
I’m not very good at making memes but this opportunity couldn’t be passed up. Ugh
https://ift.tt/31nixtU
A dad was washing his car with his son.
After a while, the son turned to his dad and said "Hey Dad, why can't we just use a sponge ?"
Why are gays bad at poker?
They can't keep a straight face
What’s a communists favorite part of math?
The distributive property.
My doctor thinks my diarrhea might be hereditary.
It runs in my jeans.
I used to sneak out of the house to go to parties…
…now I sneak out of parties to go home.
I’m proud of my son, I never thought he’d go so far
The catapult worked well
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard
Last time I was on a flight, the stewardess approached me and asked, “Sir, would you care for a drink?”
I asked her, “what are my options?” She said, “yes or no.”
Imagine what would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight…
There would be mass confusion!
What does the bra say to the hat?
You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby! (Blatant cake joke for karma! LOL)
I’m afraid of confusing words that sound the same but spelled differently.
I’m homophonophobic.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B
When I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson, he looked quizzically at me and said, “But your name is Brian…”
I exclaimed, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson!"
President Trump was told about the new abortion bill.
Trump in a low whisper to his chief of staff: “I thought I paid that bill already.”
It’s kind of silly we’re trying turning plants into burgers
Haven’t cows been doing that for like, forever?
What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper?
A FIZZician
I tried to catch some fog
I mist
How do you tell a dad joke from a bad joke?
Trust me, the difference is apparent.
I have kleptomania. Sometimes when it gets really bad…
I take something for it.
This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”.
I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
