Was the arrow really necessary?
Set your WiFi password to 24446666688888888
…so when someone asks what your password is, just tell them it’s: 12345678.
One more secret Trump is trying to keep: How much are taxpayers paying for his vacations
https://ift.tt/2NaNL34
20 canibals started working in an IT company
After about six months their boss comes up to them and says that he is very pleased with their work, that they're exemplary emloyees and that he is very happy to have them. He also says that the cleaning lady has vanished a couple of days ago and asks if they happen to know anything about that. "No sir" says the head canibal. "OK" says the boss and leaves them be. "Alright" says the head canibal when the boss has left "Who did it?!" "I did!" one of them admits. "You idiot! We've been having fifty different types of manager in the past six months and nobody batted an eye! You had to eat the one person in this office that actually gets any work done!"
What was the name of the werewolf YouTuber?
Lycan Subscribe
A guy with a gun enters a bar, and asks “who the heck had sex with my wife ?!”
A guy in the back shouts "you don't have enough bullets"
Who delivers Christmas gifts to lobsters?
Santa Claws
I’m tired of seeing “Hey OP, I slept with your mom last night!” every time I post something on Reddit.
I shouldn’t have told my dad what my username was.
Don’t be worried about your smart phone or laptop spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt from you for years.
I went to the zoo the other day and all they had was a dog
It was a shitzu
![[O]f [C]ourse](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/0taecne88fh41-400x318.png)
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!" The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One…"
What do you use to draw baths
Water colors
Why are physicists so serious all the time?
They understand the gravity of the situation.
If you get into a pillow fight with death…
Be prepared for the reaper cushions.
I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves
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A lemonade seller and the businessman.
A lemonade seller was standing in the hot sun selling lemonade. A customer, who is a businessman approached him and asked him the prices. "$3 for a full glass, $30 for 5 empty ones." Astonished, the businessman asks him, "What is that supposed to mean?" The seller remained silent. After giving it a thought for a while, the customer bought 5 full glasses of lemonade, giving the seller $15 (3×5). He drank all of them quickly and showed the seller 5 empty glasses, "I got 5 empty glasses only for $15, though the cost is $30. You see, what dirty tricks we businessmen are capable of!" The poor lemonade seller says, "Sir, I am an entrepreneur. You see I made you buy 5 glasses for no reason at all?" Edit : Ignore bad grammar please.
What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?
Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
If you hold your pee
urine trouble
[Warning]: 18++
19.
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts of all types and values. At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison. Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "…..but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you?" He said, "…Scr*w him ………give him a dollar." The blonde then blushed and said, "….But the breakfast was my idea."
When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
What’s the opposite of urine?
I'm out
Why didn’t the man die when he drank poison?
Because he was in the living room.
My ex- rapper friend decided to stop his gardening business because he was really careless with his tools.
He has hoes in different area codes.
Recently broke my thumb, I asked the nurse if I’d be able to play the piano?
She said I would I said that’s good I couldn’t play it before.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, but it's gotta be more than three, because my basement's still dark…
I’ve been standing under citrus trees all day.
I feel sublime!
What room of a house does a ghost not need?
The LIVING ROOM
What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper?
A fizziscian
Why did the butcher quit his job and become a cattle rancher?
He wanted to raise the steaks.
Recently, I have started gardening and started to plant all my herbs in alphabetical order. People often ask how I find the time.
I tell them “it’s next to the sage”