Watch out for hearing aids.
Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day.
First time I've ever seen a SWAT team.
Now I call him Dav.
WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU!
Later in life, i learned that condoms only work 99% of the time.
Yes, it happens
It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had!
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set all by my self.In a moment of panic,I threw a bedsheet over it
I think I managed to cover my tracks
Because if you encounter a deer who has a shotgun, it's best to just leave them alone.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What exactly happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. No time.”
A four-chin teller.
A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see you do it." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right, Idiot, get in."
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought…… it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!
He never returned and the world ran out of milk.
-Which one of you fucked my wife??!! Some guy in the crowd says: – you should bring more bullets
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do….
The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do. Only one man stood under that sign. Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself" The man shrugged and said, “My wife told me to stand here.”
A brothel sprout (I’ll let myself out)
She was eaten by a giant crab
I called my friend just now and said, "I have a joke for you." Friend: "Ok shoot" Me: "What has a tiny penis and hangs down?" Friend: "I dunno what?" Me: A bat.. now what has an enormous penis and hangs up? Friend: I dunno what? Click
Me: That's because they're on the wrong feet. Son: But they're the only feet I have.
So i packed up my things and right
My neighbors said they’ll call the police if I don’t put it back…
Oh, so your dad was a billionaire? No, he also wished he were.
He's an artificial sweetner.
She hasn't realized it yet, but the thyme is cumin.
To be honest even I dont know u choose
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.