Water Meme related to Science.
What did the nut say when he was chasing the other nut?
I’m a CASHEW!
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60
Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is
True story but funny.
While filling my car up i noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity. I see 2 cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it… tax dollars in action I guess. As I am going to pay I hear this screaming behind me, like "I am dying" type screaming. I look around and see that this womans arm is on fire! She is literally running around the station waving her arm in the air! The cops jump into action and put the fire out, then arrest and handcuff her! I think this is a bit harsh and that the woman should be going to the hospital, not jail so I ask one cop why are they arresting her. The cop replied, "For waving a firearm in public"
It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
We must popularise the Howie style labcoat!!!
To start I post this here because it’s the only place I could find that would have a hight scientist reader base an not required required it to be a scientific paper but here we goThey are safer that standard lab coats as the protect more of the bodyThey are more sanitary! minimising contact between your clothing and possible pathogens as well as chemicalsThey look 100% cooler, lab coats are cool but the Howie pattern is fuckin awesome, it also looks way more sci-fi, and if we’re gonna be living in the future might as well look it
A guy walks into a dentist office.
He says "Doc, you have to help me! I think I am a moth!" The Dentist says "I can't help you, I'm a dentist, you need a psychiatrist. Why did you even come in here?" The man replies "The light was on."
For some reason I want Palword to make a lot of profit.
For some reason I want Palword to make a lot of profit.
My wife told me take the spider out instead of killing him.
We had a few drinks, what a great guy. Turns out he’s a web designer.
What does a house wear?
Address
german wife bad
Translation:Alexa: ‘Helga, bring Klaus a beer”Most algorithms are programmed by men’https://ift.tt/2H2F8UH
I’m going to rewrite history
History
What do you call a coughing dinosaur?
A Bronchosaurus!
3 Condoms – NSFW
Guy goes to the pharmacy to buy a condom. His girlfriend told him she would not have sex with him unless he first met her family and has dinner with them. Pharmacist at counter: " just one condom? You sure?" Guy: "actually, my girlfriend's sister is pretty hot…lets make it two condoms." Pharmacist: "just two then? That's it?" Guy: "let's make it three. The mom is really hot too." That night he goes to dinner and her whole family is there. He sits at the table not saying a word, his face red as a tomato. His girlfriend takes him in the bedroom after they eat. Girlfriend: "what's wrong with you? You didn't say a word all night. Did something happen?" Guy: "no, I just didn't know your dad worked at the pharmacy."
A snake walks into a bar…
The bartender says "How'd you do that?"
A blind man goes into a restaurant…
A blind man goes into a restaurant and sits down at a table. He orders something to drink and says to the waiter "Do you want to hear a blonde joke?"The waiter replies, "Well, actually sir, I am a blonde. And there is a man just over at the bar who is an ex-con with a violent streak and he is a blonde. Also we just seated a body builder who has a temper problem, he is blonde as well. So, I don't know, do you want to tell the joke?"The blind man says, "Well, no not if I have to explain it three times!"
My uncle used to breed and sell parakeets…
they were flying off the shelves but he switched to chickens and they didn't take off. So he tried ducks and then it was all bills, bills, bills.
If I had a dime for every time I didn’t understand what’s going on,
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
Why was F jealous of C?
Because it was hotter
Humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Job Interview: “What is your greatest weakness”
"Honesty" "I don't think honesty is a weakness." "I don't give a fuck what you think."
2 guys were eating breakfast together
"Do you want some of my bacon?" "No thanks I'm Jewish" "Don't worry it's free"
The U.S. Army is full of crybabies
That’s why we also call them the Infantry.
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic
It’s syncing now
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
So he isn’t spotted
I love the way the earth rotates
It really makes my day.
My wife to our son, “Go brush your teeth with your sister”
Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".
Did you hear about the guy who’s left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.
Post Malone just suspended his tour
Guess that makes him postponed Malone
My wife told me to stop singing “I’m A Believer” or she’d kill me. I thought she was kidding.
But then I saw her face…
Why do the people of Athens never wake up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
What do we want! Low flying aircraft noises!
When do we want them! Nooooooooooowwwwwwwwww