Way too long probally.
What’s the difference between an angry circus owner and a Roman barber?
One is a raving showman, and the other is a shaving Roman.
If you pull a pin from a grenade, how do you put it back in?
Quick answers please.
Coronavirus update: Everyone at John Lennon airport has been quarantined.
Imagine all the people
I asked a friend what he thought of dry ice.
He said it was absolutely sublime.
I was thinking of a joke about Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill, but then it lost momentum.
But it still has potential.
I’ve just got a new job as senior director at Old MacDonald’s farm…
I’m the CIEIO!!!!
Why does Greta Thunberg like r/jokes so much?
We recycle our material every fucking day.
I was asked at an interview what my weakness is
I replied "I'm too honest" The interviewer said "I don't consider honesty a weakness" I said "I don't give a fuck what you think"
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar
Ahhh, those were the days.
I applied so much spray deodorant in 2008 that a man suffocated.
Does that make me an Axe murderer?
The wife said she is leaving because of my sexual fetishes
I said great! don't forget to slam the door on my cock on the way out Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind door slammer.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger.
Then it hit me
I met a strange man the other day really trying to sell me the health benefits of inhaling helium.
He spoke very highly off it.
Recently, i’ve tried to make a car without wheels.
I’ve been working on it tirelessly.
My friend told me not to drink from the wall.
I knew he meant well.
How does a butcher introduce his wife?
Meat Patty.
I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes
it's all about raisin awareness
I accidentally clicked on a pop-up link that said, “Free Justin Bieber tickets inside!”
Thankfully it was just a virus.
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He finishes his drink and asks for the check. Duck billed platypus.
I decided to cut ties with all the people weighing my down
My climbing partner didn’t appreciate it Edit: platinum 2 mins after posting. Thank you! Edit 2: It’s raining platinum, hallelujah! Thank you everyone!
![[OC] Still at work tonight. Pixelart](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/no_image_card-76-400x247.png)
3 kids walk into a candy store
The first kid says "I'll have $1 worth of jelly beans, sir!" The jelly beans are on a shelf, so the candy store owner has to get a ladder out, get the jelly beans, weigh out $1 worth, put the beans back on the shelf, climb down the ladder, put it away, and give the kid the jelly beans. "There's your jelly beans, young man," he says. The next kid says "I'll have $1 worth of jelly beans as well, sir!" So the guy has to do the whole thing again: get the ladder, climb up, grab $1 of jelly beans, climb back down, but before he puts the ladder away, he asks the third kid "are you also wanting $1 of jelly beans?" The kid says "no." So he puts the ladder away again, hands the jelly beans to the second kid, and turns to the third kid. "What can I get you, young man?" The third kid says "I'll have $1.50 of jelly beans, please."
My friend charges £20 for postcards of East Africa on a plank for children to play on.
She sells Seychelles on the see-saw.
I’m really excited about the new movie about tractors that is coming out soon.
I just saw the trailer.
A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis
Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis. The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?" The Jamaican replied, "No, Mr. that says Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day".
Freudian Slip:
When you say one thing, but mean your mother
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
Everyone thinks I’m weird because I’m addicted to ham and pineapple sandwiches.
But that’s just Hawaii roll.
