We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills is 90210 but what’s the zip code to Dawson’s Creek?
Spoiler 90108 for our lives to be over…
I gave my girlfriend an orgasm last night.
She spat it right back in my face. Credits: Jimmy Carr
A doctor had sex with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go." But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering. "You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard."
just stole a tesla
now it’s called edison
I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver…
Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.
An ego and a superego walk into a bar.
The bartender says “I’ll have to see some id”.
My daughter told we she is a vegan.
I told her it is a huge missed steak.
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws
Here is a piece of cucumber and Monster energy, go nuts!
Here is a piece of cucumber and Monster energy, go nuts!
What do you call an army of babies?
Infantry
I probably made over 5 forms that were just front end and had no function whatsoever
https://ift.tt/2YsLYv4
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
See that? Thats my step ladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
I have kleptomania. Sometimes when it gets really bad…
I take something for it.
Waiter: I’m glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?
Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said: “Jesus knows you’re here.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard: “Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. “Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot. “Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked. “I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.” The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?” “Moses,” replied the bird. “Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?” “The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
If I Was That Guy, I Would’ve Bought A Lottery Ticket On The Way
If I Was That Guy, I Would’ve Bought A Lottery Ticket On The Way
Stalin appears to Putin in a dream
He says to Putin: "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue." Putin asks, "Why blue?" Stalin replies, "I knew you would not object to the first one."
My wife said she’s going to leave me if I don’t stop with the click bait
You wont believe what happened next!
My son asked me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, “That’s Superman.”
He said, “Thanks dad, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
A Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar…
As they walk in the Scotsman proclaims loudly for all to hear “Drinks for the house, on me!” The next day in the newspaper the headlines reads ‘Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death”
My favorite part of the bible is when God gives everyone free will…
..and then he kills them all in a flood for not doing what he tells them.
Is this sub still active?
https://imgur.com/a/ggw9xpn
Three Logicians Walk Into a Bar
The Bartender asks, "would everybody like a drink?" The first logician says "I don't know." The second logician says "I don't know." The third logician says "Yes."
My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution…
Could this be a red flag?
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
Why did the baby go to jail?
Because he was resisting a rest.
This joke is about ghosts. You wanna hear it?
That's the spirit.
What did the Nazi dentist say on reddit?
Thanks for the gold kind stranger! Edit:Thanks for the gold kind stranger!
My grandpa always used to say “as one door closes, another opens”.
A lovely man. A terrible cabinet maker.