We all know where the big apple is, but do you know where…
So I grabbed my things and right.
Because all the fans left.
Therapist: You bet. Me: Yes, that’s why I asked.
But it didn't hurt, because it was a soft drink!
The deep web
Nothing… They fast!
I got arrested for a salt!
But then I got married.
The man asks, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. How am I supposed to work in the dark?”
It's pointless. But, anyway. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or else people will think you're being irrational. But that is beside the point.
It was a Big Mcsteak
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
I just came to that realization.
So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she’s sangria then ever…
. . . and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and says to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him. "What did you do that for?" he asks. "Curfew violation," the other guard says. "Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!" "I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it."
LPT: If you have trouble remembering your password, find a picture of some running shoes and stare at it.
maybe it'll help jog your memory.
He gets disqualified
A four-chin teller
They both get stoned after sex
Not a joke, I am genuinely curious.
I told him no it doesn’t
Hey bud, when do you open? 😆
One goldfish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"
…. Nobody knows.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! . Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.' The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!" She retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!" 'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '..
A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, “How was I born?”His mother awkwardly answers, “The stork brought you.”“Oh,” says the boy. “Well, how were you and Daddy born?”“Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma.”The boy begins his paper, “This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.”
To get to the other sidekick.
Religion brought them together
Anna I. Anna II. Anna I, II, III.
The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, first ask yourself, 'Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?' If not, don't say it. I thought this sounded like a good rule. So I told her: "I think the stubble suits you!"
What’s the worst about time travel jokes?
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, “They must be French, they’re naked and they’re eating fruit.” The Englishman says, “Clearly, they’re English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.” The Soviet replies, “No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
“on what day will I die?” The fortune teller assured him that he would die on a Jewish holiday. “Why are you so sure of that?” demanded Hitler. “Any day”, she replied, “on which you die will be a Jewish holiday”.
I'm just doing it for the Monet
He charged one and let the other one off.