They've been vaccinated. We know this because: •They're over three years old •They're retarded.
At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it
He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade
You have my Word
People seeing it for the first time usually laugh. And those who have seen it before get mad that they’re seeing it again.
I can tell when they’re standing too.
All of them.
You need a parachute to skydive twice.
Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
On the one hand he is unfaithful, but on the other hand it was nice that he visited me at work.
We ended up getting into a row.
But it’s not hard.
because y'all keep ignoring me
That's just how I roll.
She hates my mandates.
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad" Wife: "No you're not…."
But that’s just Hawaii roll.
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
I don't get it
"A man who lays with another man should be stoned." [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Neil arms weak. Neil joins gym. Neil does chin-ups. Neil Armstrong 2. William making fruit shake. William took pears. William put them in glass. William Shakespeare 3. Jimmy goes to restaurant. Jimmy sits down. Jimmy gets food. Jimmy Choo 4. Tony makes movie. Tony works hard. Tony earns fans. Tony Star k 5. Alan feels happy. Alan runs hard. Alan falls in gutter. Alan Reekman (Rickman) 6. Usain s*** scared. Usain screams. Usain close doors. Usain Bolt.
You guys should know this one, it’s easy, a dead giveaway.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen
But that’s comparing apples to oranges.
I nearly fell out of my tree.
"G'day this is Tim, you've reached the Aussie help line. How can we help ya?" I told him, "We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is completely swollen shut. It's our honeymoon, and well….ya know." The guy on the help line replies, "Ah, bummer mate!" I say, "I hadn't thought of that! Thanks for the advice. You've saved my honeymoon!"
I don’t think I can ever repay you
My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.
I handed her the dictionary.
Too many Loggins attempts.