We care, but not really
Why do less marriages take place in winter
Because most of the brides get cold feet.
How the pros learn CS
Peak Boomer Family
Whiny little biatch
A mime was arrested in my town after getting into a bar fight and breaking his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
Its not hard
Mods are asleep, upvote C#
An interesting title
Do you speak Spanish?
A) No B) A little C) Señor
The future isn’t looking good guys!
Good ol’ magenta…just like grandma used to make it up
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain
To keep each udder dry
We know their priorities
My dad suffers from short term memory loss…
I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it too.
A boomer on my Facebook has finally caught up with memes.
Some tools are just like
Mr Ed just moved next door to me a few days ago.
We’re neighbors now.
I wasn’t allowed in a fraternity in college because I was circumcised.
Apparently you need to be a complete dick.
Fart joke har har
Kids evidently don’t feel a natural sense of competition anymore.
Did you see Trump’s speech last night?
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.
Is it possible to learn this power?
My English textbook is full of these
I was looking at history memes when I was smacked in the face with this.
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack.
Those damn mooselimbs.
The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train…
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
At least only you know it
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket
You can hide but you can't run
I went to visit a psychic,
I knocked on her front door and she yelled “Who is it”? So I left
Does anybody know if we can take showers yet?
Or should I just keep washing my hands?
Not a man of culture, I see.
It’s worked before, so…
I asked my friend if he knew a pachyderm famous for its trunk. He suggested Dumbo.
But that was Ear-Elephant.
‘What about the resurgence of vinyls amongst the youth?’
I invented a new word
Why do the Hong Kong police wake up early?
To beat the crowd.
Tried to grab the fog this morning
unfortunately, I mist.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.
Uno, dos… poof. He disappeared without a tres.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,
I've said it before.
Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day …
Give a man a poisoned fish, and you’ll feed him for a lifetime!
There was company that sold sex toys to aliens.
It was SpaceXXX.
Who else needs a Beer after reading this?
Does this count?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
No text found
A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant
A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says. The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, was provided with an excellent view, just as he had thought he would get. When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves. As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread. After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?" Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?" "No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."
AI in action.
In Avatar, Aang is 112 years old
Some call him "Boomer Aang"
Code be like
Sumida Aquarium eels are forgetting what humans look like and hiding from workers
Eating a clock is very time consuming
No text found
I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers.
I nearly fell out of my tree.
How are you going to pay for that?
A blacksmith finishes making a few horseshoes and leaves them on an anvil.
The blacksmith returns to the forge as a cowboy walks into the shop and picks one up only to put it back down immediately. "Hot ain't they?" the blacksmith asks. The cowboy replies, "Nope. It just don't take me too long to look at horseshoes."
Masturbation is like buying IKEA furniture.
At first, it sounds like a great idea. But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.
A limbo champion walks into a bar
He is disqualified
Socialism is bad mmkay
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying “This isn’t working, goodbye”
What a liar! I opened the fridge and it's working just fine.
I slept with a blind woman the other night. It went pretty well, mostly.
Once the clothes came off she said to me "You have the biggest dick I have ever laid my hands on" I said, "Stop pulling my leg."
NSFW.. PANTIES for sale..
I can’t see an end, I have no control and I don’t think there’s any escape – I don’t even have a home anymore…
Definitely time for a new keyboard.
Be prepared to accept an exciting opportunity in the future
How to protect against the virus.
Sadly it wont be enough to ban the app from appstore…
still better than my wife XD