We don’t care
My wife asked me to get some of the pills that would help me get an erection.
So I got her some diet pills.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize."
Sheepdog: That’s all 50 sheep Shepherd: What? We should have only 47
Sheepdog: I know, I rounded them up
I just spotted an albino dalmatian…
It was the least I could do!
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
Their middle name
So Land O’Lakes got rid of the Native American on their package…
…But kept the land. Sounds oddly familiar.
I finally have a girlfriend
Now I wish I could post it on an other subreddit
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
Surprise, it was an apple, but with very little memory. Just one byte. Then everything crashed.
What’s Irish and stays out all summer?
Patty O’Furniture
I don’t know why most people think a dogs life is so easy.
Everytime I come home from work I ask my dog how his day went and he always says rough.
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor.
Ten or twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones…
… but people in Abu Dhabi dooooooooo!!
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart
My mom was telling dadjokes
He laughed
I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
Engineer and Anti-vaxxer come to the bridge
Anti-vaxxer says to the engineer: Is it safe to cross the bridge? Engineer: It is 99,97% safe to cross that bridge. Anti-vaxxer: I'd rather swim.
I find bone puns very
Humerus
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up. Aww, that is so sweet of you! You need plastic surgery.
I got a job grooming police horses
I hate working with the fuzz… But it's a stable job.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they’re always stuffed.
Did you hear about the new movie “Constipation”?
It Hasn’t come out yet. But Critics are saying it’s crap. And there’s a sequel…. “Number 2”
The average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old
I'm finally above average for something
I watched a great documentary on beavers this weekend.
Best dam thing I’ve watched in a while.