We don’t carry snow tires for that
What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference?
I don't know and I don't care.
I got fired from the sperm bank today
Cause every time someone walked in I'd say "get a load of this guy"
No Kidding Only Coding, A funny satirical article on daily dilemma of an Indian Parent
https://ift.tt/3h1Ha88
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun…."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says. This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
I remember my childhood quite fondly when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
I went to a restaurant and they served me hydrogen atoms cooked at millions of degrees.
They said that it was a fusion cuisine.
I just saw a woman on horseback.
I never knew horses even got tattoos.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
James Somerton explains why he made a second “apology” video.
James Somerton explains why he made a second “apology” video.
I broke up with my girlfriend because she screamed too much during sex
Sometimes I could hear it two blocks away
I went to the therapist after my phone died.
I just needed an outlet.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a odd-job man and started with a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
After being single for years, I finally found the perfect match online.
It produces a greenish flame and it looks really cool while I'm lighting up my cigarette.
What do you call a cancer doctor when they’re on call?
An oncologist.
We cannot allow this year to end
That would be admitting that 2021
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?
Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law?
Outlaws are wanted.
A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.
Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100." The one says to the other, "should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars… I'm gonna do it." So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "well, did you get the money?" He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it??"
Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar…
Its called inflation.
I still remember my childhood fondly, when my dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
Leather is great for sneaking around
Because its made of hide
If every letter “t” was silent…
…we'd never hear the end of it.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?
Because he's always a little fishy
How do you drown a hipster?
You throw him into the mainstream.
Doctor just told a nun that she is pregnant.
Nun: "Doctor, you can't be serious – I haven't had sex with a man even once in my entire life! I am saving myself for God!" Doc: "Sorry, but the tests show undoubtedly that you are pregnant…" Nun leaves the doctor in anger and bursts back into church shouting: "Ok, who in the name of the God HAD CUM ONTO THE CANDLES!!!"
Relationships are a lot like algebra….
You look at your X and wonder Y.
Why did the big bird feel left out?
Because he was ostrich sized