We live in a society
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
It was very time consuming, especially when i went back for seconds
Bartender: "Wow, that's a hefty order." Guy: "Yeah, I just got terrible news that my brother has turned gay…" Bartender gives the guy his 3 shots and leaves him alone. -Next day- The same guy enters the bar and again, orders the same drinks. Bartender: "Still not over your brother?" Guy: "No, even more bad news. I just found out that my father is now gay…" Bartender looks shocked, but then just gives the man his drinks and leaves him alone. -Next Day- Again, the same guy enters the bar and orders his 3 shots. Bartender: "More bad news I assume?" Guy: "Yep, uncle this time…" Bartender shakes his head and gives the man his drinks. -Next Day- Same guy, same drink order. This time the bartender throws up his hands in disbelief! Bartender: "DOES ANYBODY IN YOUR FAMILY LIKE WOMEN?" Guy: "Yep….My Wife"
She is very good in bringing up old shit.
The plot thickens
It’s pretty lit.
The lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud, I almost fell in
Elongate would really stretch on.
Because it runs in your jeans.
I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment.
8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house. Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha. 8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock Me: Who's there 8yo: The chicken.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"
Just in case a black person is breaking in. I wouldn’t want to offend them.
No text found
It was a hard drive.
W-I-F-E They tell you what to do all day long!
Son : "Dad can't you just use a sponge?"
Because they're calf price
No more jokes about the profit.
I'm 19 years old and I major in Biology at SDSU. I was talking to my dad at Easter about an essay I'm writing. It is on the extracellular matrix, basically everything in the space between two or more cells, I thought it was going all right until he started laughing at literally nothing. Me: "Whats so funny?" Him: "I have a joke okay?" Me: "Okay?" Him: "What do prisoners study?" Me: "What?" Him: "Cell Walls." Basically thats my life.
It was too main stream
I made up the first part of the phrase so it would not hurt me that much.
It's something that a hundred men or more could never do…
…but I don’t believe him…
I think I’ll stick to raisins.