We lost a good one.
In Germany, A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, “That’s not it” and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
I have no idea why he wants an ex box
They don’t want to dialog
She hasn’t realized it yet, but the thyme is cumin…
Oh no, I forgot the line!
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
It’s amazing two me.
Don’t know, don’t care.
Dad: No it doesn’t
You can’t tuna fish! “What about the glue?” I knew you’d get stuck on that!
You look a bit flushed.
That's where I draw the line.
I would rather have two
The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a "pig." Peggy took him to court and sued him for harassment. The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a "pig." "Dave, I'm giving you a chance to walk away scot-free. However, you can no longer call Ms. Johnson a 'pig.' Understood?" "Well… that doesn't seem fai- " "-we can let this go to trial, you can spend thousands on lawyers, but if Ms. Johnson's attorneys can prove calling her a 'pig' leads to emotional damage, you'll end up owing a lot." Dave paused. "OK, fine. Can I call a pig 'Ms. Johnson'?" The judge looked over his notes. "Yes… you may call a pig 'Ms. Johnson' without fear of legal recourse." Dave turned to Peggy and said "Good afternoon, Ms. Johnson."
A stroke of genius
"A man who lays with another man should be stoned." [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
A happy, hollow ween!
The wall has never been anything but supportive.
And that’s Chris Brown
Is it really necessary to ask “Who are you” “How did you get in my room” “Why are you naked”.
Does he have no Seoul
I did once and I got Hogwarts. Now they won't quidditching.
Now they also call me poor.
… if I could just get the right people to try it.
And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"
If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.
Now we just have to call him Dav.