Weird vibes from this one
To beat the crowd
My ex- rapper friend decided to stop his gardening business because he was really careless with his tools.
He has hoes in different area codes.
I just don’t know why.
When the punchline becomes apparent!
I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me. "I really need a new boat", I thought to myself.
I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road…
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
They knead the dough.
It’s time for Reddit’s Best of 2019 Awards.What a year it’s been here in r/politicalhumor, thanks to everyone for participating.Make your nominations here and/or upvote your favorites.You are welcome to categorize your nominations, i.e:Best PostBest CommentBest of YearOnly one nomination per comment. Please do not nominate yourself. You may only nominate submissions made in 2019.This thread is set to contest mode which sorts comments randomly and hides vote scores. In January, the votes will be tallied and a results thread will be posted. We will give reddit gold to the top submissions!
You look for fresh prints.
You use a sea saw!
Well, the flag is a big plus.
Russian technology is a decade ahead of them at the moment.
He got plastic surgery.
At a second hand store.
Bartender asks “What would you like, Mr. President?”
While traveling to a cookout at my dads house, my wife (W) was working through the alphabet with my son (s) Letter “I”: W: “ I is for….. iguana” S: “iguana…. iguana go outside.” W: looks at me. I look at him. S: (in his best dad style, cheesy laugh) “ha, ha.” He had no idea what he said. But gosh we got a kick out of it.
That's not my first choice of a nickname, but I'm okay with it.
The horse, incapable of understanding human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves
Acquaintance: Why the hell is he called Mayo? He’s not even white! Mayo: [neighs]
They were real people… I just imagined they were my friends.
You can say… I solved the case.
Officer says, "I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses." Driver says, "But Officer, I have contacts." Officer says, "I don't care who you know, you're still getting a ticket."
Just for shits and giggles.
…whereas oral sex is a matter of taste.
A friend you can count on!
"By?" "No, he's straight from what I know."
You could hear them say: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??
No text found
The doctor says, “5 penises!? How do you pants fit?” The man replies “Like a glove.”
"It's a long story"
For the grater good.
The less suicidal people there are