Well it’s not not right
The bartender asks them: "Do all three of you want beer?" The first one said: "I don't know." The second also said: "I don't know." The third one said: "Yes."
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Aisle B, back.
He started counting but he fell asleep.
Because they can't keep a straight face
A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?" "Yup." "What if you miss?" He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss…" "Okay, well I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now." "Let's go," the assassin says. So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope. "They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off." The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot. "Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks. "Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I may be able to save you 10 grand."
…but all brooms are pretty much the same.
He's a small medium at large
He wasn’t a good Schwimmer.
Female, she doesn’t let you finish your sentence before suggesting something.
play with yourself"
They deserve a no bell prize
The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline.
No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.
A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign." The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"
I arrived early at the restaurant last night. “Do you mind waiting for a bit?” The manager asked. “Not at all” I replied.
“Good, take these lasagnas to table 6” he said.
But then I look back on the post that I have saved from a year ago that says otherwise.
Now they have to say, “Donald, duck!”
They had no chemistry 🥺
"You owe me one cannoli."
A snail walks into a car dealership. The car salesman greets the snail politely and asks what he’s looking for. The snail says that he just wants a really fast car and the salesman shows him the ones with a high max speed…
He slaps the roof of one and says, "This is the last one that’s built for speed." The snail says, “This is perfect, but there’s one thing I want you to do first.” The car salesman was confused. “What?” The snail said, “I want you to paint a big red S on it.” The car salesman was even more confused. “Why?” Chuckling, the snail said, “So when people see me driving, they would say, ‘look at that S car go!’”