Well it’s not wrong…
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
He tells the genie "I am a simple man. All I wish for is to spend more time with my family, have a shorter commute and a case of Corona"
In case I got a hole in one
That may be no big deal to you, but I'd never driven a bus before.
A paragraph, because hes too short to be an essay
My dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.
All the slides were just pictures of me.
I don't know what he laced em with, but I've been trippin all day!
They didn't do anything.
There would be mass confusion.
Just paramedics and someone else if they’re patient enough
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
He tractor down.
I just want to give a shout out to all you motherfuckers out there.
stand in the corner, because its 90 degrees there
You push it.
7YO: Knock knock! Me: Who's there? 7YO: Europe Me: Europe who? 7YO: (with mock outrage) I'm not a poo! you're a poo!
or we’d all be sorry
I guess I only have my shelf to blame
I dunno water you drinking?
But first I need to get some shit off my chest.
The second hand store
She was so excited that she nearly Peter Pans.
I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said. "Fuck off" he shouted back. "What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
A pizza can feed a family of four.
No text found
Because 8 years of child support is better than 18.
My wife just called me and said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!”
I replied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."