Well, I’ve found it. The best political cartoon ever…
How do you make a waterbed more bouncy ?
Add Spring Water
What did the farmer do for his pig that had awful body odor?
He rubbed Oink-mint on it.
What does a tree say once it’s spring?
What a releaf!
Last weekend I went to a dog zoo with my kids.
They only had one dog. It was a Shih Tzu.
This asparagus is just…
a spear, I guess.
Might be the first meme my dad has ever sent me, a tried and true boomerhumor staple
https://ift.tt/2XTcKOB
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to rent a space together to park our cars.
We have….a lot in common.
I saw a radio the other day on sale for $1. It had a note stuck on it saying, “Volume stuck on full”
I though, “I can’t turn that down”
I hate it when kids write “angle” instead of “angel”.
They’re just trying to be edgy.
What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?
Diabetes. What? Did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day? I waited an entire year to say this
I think my neighbor might be stalking me.
She's googled my name a few times, I saw it through my telescope last night
What’s all this nonsense about nothing flying at Gatwick airport.
My drone's been flying about there all morning no problem.
*pulls candy bar out of thin air*
Kid: WOW are you a magician? Me: no, but I have a couple of twix up my sleeve
Wife: “I shaved down there. You know what that means…”
Husband: "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."
Wife hates husband, likes cat (sorry for the bad editing, had to translate improfessionally)
https://ift.tt/33B5PJY
At a bar, my friend made a remarkable shot in pool, and I asked how he did it.
He said, "When I am about to take a shot, it's like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot." Then he threw a dart and got a bullseye on the first throw and I asked how he could aim the dart so well. He said, "When I am about to throw a dart, it's like magic, I can just see the line where I need to throw it." Later, he got in a fight with another guy at the bar. He threw a punch and missed badly. I asked how he could throw such a poorly aimed punch. He said, "There is no punch line."
How easy is it to get reddit karma?
It's a piece of cake.
I, for one
Like roman numerals.
What do you call it when a snowman loses his temper?
A meltdown. (Told to me by a grandpa earlier today.)
There are are only 10 types of people:
Those who understand binary, and those who don`t
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…
I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me. I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat."
Someone told me my clothes looked gay this morning
I told them it was because they came out of the closet
Mountains aren’t just funny…
They’re hill areas.
I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said
"I want you to try to sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home. Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!" I said "$200 and it's yours."
If lightning always follows the path of least resistance
Why doesn't it only strike in France?
