Well said mate
![You may get this [insert shitty Samsung emojis]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/cvsim38ov4931-400x437.jpg)
What’s Gordon Ramsay’s favorite Reddit sub?
IT'S FUCKING r/aww
The hardest part about babysitting-
-is dealing with all the… spills!!!
Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?
He made a grave mistake.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
I walked in on my boss vigorously masturbating
He told me to stop masturbating and get the hell out of his office
A lot of conflict in the Wild West….
….could have been avoided completely if cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
If Iron Man was a woman…
Would we call her Fe-Male?
What do you call baby dumps?
Dumplings.
My grandpa always said, “Always try to be the fish going against the current.”
Good man. Got electrocuted every day though.
What do you call a group of mountains?
Hilarious.
“But they relate to my struggles!” screamed the temporarily embarrassed millionaire
https://ift.tt/2QFbJVP
Bamboo is an invasive species in my area that spreads quickly, can take over your yard, and is very hard to get rid of.
That's why they don't call it bamhooray.
There’s no such thing as Scottish people.
Either your name is Scott or it isn’t.
A police officer pulls a man for speeding
Po: Sir im gonna have to write a ticket but i will give you a chance by answering a trivia question. Guy: Lets do this Po: There are two headlights coming from the end of the street. What is it? Guy: Its a car!! Po: Sure but is it a kia, is it a mazda? That was wrong but ill give you one more chance. There is one headlight coming down the street. What is it. Guy: Its a motorbike !!! Po: Sure but is it bmw , is it suzuki? Sorry man im gonna have to proceed with the ticket Guy: Hey give me one last chance. Ill ask you an easy trivia question and if you get it right go ahead and finish the ticket Po: Ok go Guy: Theres a lady at the corner of the street very late at night. She is wearing a mini skirt and a very tight blouse while waving and talking to men in cars. What is she? Po: She is a whore dude… Guy: Sure but is it your wife, is it your sister?
I found a box of discarded calculators and I just had to rescue them because…
Every calculator counts.
Why do they call it possession of marijuana?
They should call it joint custody
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there.
My wife just told me she has the body of a teenager.
I guess she found out about me and the babysitter.
I have a pen that can write underwater!!
It can write other words too.
this ad….
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My Lesbian neighbors Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.
They said they wouldn’t mind if we did it the “old fashioned way” as they weren't man haters! For six months now we’ve been trying but I just don’t have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
Do you know why women fart after they pee?
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention
But everyone was blown away by the leaf blower.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
