Well thats $30 now
…most crows drank at home.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
You have to be asleep or they can't come.
They aren't funny unless everyone gets it
In my dad•a•base
A teacher asks the class, “What are some examples of flammable objects?” and the Jewish student raises his hand.
The teacher replies, “Very good! Any other examples?”
A clean joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Welcome to /r/CleanJokes! I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”
Clean joke replies, "Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"
But I don't even have a drivers licence
… it came completely out of the purple.
I said, “I can’t be your brother and assister too.”
Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a ten-year-old schoolboy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.
Trump said I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!’, takes one and jumps. Boris said ‘I’m needed to sort out Britain’. He takes one and jumps. The Pope said ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps. Angela said to the ten-year-old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting." The 10-year-old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA took my school bag."
There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked.
He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was. She responded,"My washcloth." Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor shaved her pubic hair. The boy asked his mother, "What happened to your washcloth?" His mother replied, "I lost it." The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's washcloth. A few days later the little boy went running to his mother yelling and screaming, "Mommy, I found your washcloth, I found your washcloth!" His mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?" The boy replied, "The maid has it and is washing daddy's face with it." *This was actually a copypasta taken from an eighth grade English workbook assigned by a private school in Shanghai. The kids were told to read the joke and write a review of it. The parents were, obv, not pleased when they saw the material.
Ever since, all I can think about is how to win her back.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
You can't tell me that's a coincidence
I said maybe
A man and his wife are sound asleep in bed when the phone rings. The man picks up, listens for a second and says, “How the fuck would I know, you idiot? I’m not a weatherman,” before slamming down the receiver.
“Who was that?” asks his wife. “Wrong number. It was some bastard asking if the coast was clear.”
Not a joke, I am genuinely curious.
And immediately received 50,000 matches!!
Because he did the bear minimum.
Good players are hard to find.
From a well, actually
I'm not sure either. Sir Cough I guess.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Personally, I‘d get rid of the 800m. It‘s too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.
Its like I had never seen herbivore
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
I heard they got a nap for that.