We’ll we’ll we’ll
If it isn't autocorrect
Science created skyscraper and planes.
Religion brought them together.
I got a bar installed into my roof.
Just so whenever I have guests I can say "drinks are on the house".
I have sex with my wife almost everyday!
Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday…
My dad is addicted to ladders
He uses them to get high.
Where does King TâChalla live?
In a Wacondo. My son and I just came up with that joke, driving past Disneyworld.
What’s the difference between The Sahara and Jello
One is an inhospitalble desert and the other is an in hospital dessert.
Stan lee
Its sad he died but at least he lived a marvelous life
“Dad. Are we pyromaniacs?”
"Yes, we arson."
I’ve asked so many people what the abbreviation LGBTQA+ stands for.
I never get a straight answer.
My wife only eats one type of yogurt and refuses to try any other brand.
She discriminates against other cultures.
My friend showed me his huge comic book collection…
It was quite a Marvel.
Why do guys always give their jacket to girls when theyâre cold?
Because no one wants a blowjob from a girl when her teeth are chattering.
Lately, I’ve been really afraid of elevators.
I've been taking steps to avoid them.
What I if told you
You read the title wrong
I feel bad for deep sea fish..
They have a lot of pressure on them.
Wife got mad when I told her I must hang out with the guys once a week.
She hates my mandates.
Q: Why did Ariel wear seashells?
A: She outgrew her B shells.
My dog accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles today..
His next poop could spell disaster.
My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.
I just donât understand why she feels that way.
If you boil your funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock
That's humerus.
How can you tell when a joke is a ‘dad joke’?
When its apparent.
Last St. Patrick’s Day I went out drinking, had a bit too much so I took a bus home.
That may be no big deal to you, but I'd never driven a bus before.
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. âDo you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?â
âBecause we donât need depth perception with our mouths â was his technically correct answer
A girl walks into a gun store and falls onto a weapon rack.
The gunstore owner says: She just fell into my arms
I have a pure bread dog
His name is Fidough
I tried to catch some fog
I mist
A guy walks into a bar
and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day." "Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay." The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!" On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
If you lock up your girlfriend and dog in the trunk of a car for an hour…
which one is gonna be happy to see you when you open it up?
The last 4 letters of âqueueâ arenât silent
Theyâre waiting for their turn
![[Everyone liked that], ruining decent memes since 2018.](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/bkute5ld1v051-400x571.jpg)
My approximately 6 year old cousin told me this joke
Him: will you remember me in 5 years? Me: yes Him: will you remember me in 10 years? Me: yea Him: knock knock Me: whoâs there Him: you forgot me already??
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ‘You died in your sleep, Bob.’ Bob was stunned.
I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?' 'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!' 'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Bob. 'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.' Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg — his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell, 'BOB, wake up! You've shit the bed!
The Dow Jones drops more than 2000 points today. How long before Trump blames Obama?
https://ift.tt/2IAyOVb
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knee to test their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
People say vegans are annoying
But I've never had any beef with them.
Dragon 1: Honey, I picked up some knights for dinner on my way home.
Dragon 2: Dear, you know I hate canned food!
Two nuns are walking down the street when they notice that a man is following them.
Sister Michael, the older and wiser nun, says to the young and naĂŻve Sister Patrick, "See that crossroad ahead? You go left and I'll go right: he can't follow us both. We'll meet back at the Abbey." So the sisters part and the man follows Sister Michael. Some time later, Sister Patrick is anxiously waiting at the Abbey when Sister Michael returns alone. "Thank the Lord you are alright!", exclaims Sister Patrick. "But what happened to that man? "Well," replies Sister Michael, "After a few minutes, I stopped and pulled up my dress." Sister Patrick stares in shock. "Then," continues Sister Michael, "he stopped and pulled down his trousers." Sister Patrick gasps. "Oh Sister, why would you let him do that?" "Because," explains Sister Michael, "a nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his trousers down!" Thanks to my English teacher for telling my class this when we were 13.
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the manâs truck and said, âWhy are these penguins in your truck?â
The man replied, âThese are my penguins. They belong to me.â âYou need to take them to the zoo,â the policeman said. The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. âI thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!â the officer said. âI did,â the man replied. âAnd today Iâm taking them to the beach.â
What did the police officer say to his belly button?
Youâre under a vest!
