Or should I spread them apart?
I took its shell off to see if it would go any faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish
Christmas is coming
The longest sentence is ‘I do.’
Those damn mooselimbs.
Because they stick. I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.
They asked, "Can you perform under pressure?" I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody."
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3. Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
because he lost interest
But all the good ones Argon
I love Harry Potter but after re-reading the chapter the death-day party I realized something about nearly headless nick
He was a very poorly executed character
So a priest is walking across the market and he hears a fisher yell”DAMN FISH GET YOUR DAMN FISH” so the priest walks up to the fisher and says “you can’t just swear like that you’ll make god angry” on which the fisher replies “this is an misunderstanding these fish were caught at the dam they’re
Dam fish” The priests understands what the fisher means and buys 2 dam fish when he comes home the priest asks his wife “can you cook these dam fish for supper tomorrow”on which the wife replies surprised”dear you’re a priest you can’t just swear like that” on which the priest explains the situation. The wife understands and cooks the fish. The next day they are eating the fish and the priest asks “can someone pass me the dam fish” on which the priests son replies “that’s the spirit dad can someone pass me the fucking fries”
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung”. Like I was supposed to know the name.
Yes, we arson.
Jim, walked into a Bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bartender ”Please give me a plate of chicken wings and then give everyone half a kilo steak and mutton, cause when I eat, I want everyone to eat!” The bartender complies to this by giving Jim a plate of chicken wings and everyone else, their meals Just as everybody finishes their food, Jim again yells ”Give me a bottle of Champagne and give everybody else a bottle of Johnny Walker Black, cause when I drink, I want everybody to drink! Everyone is elated and cheers for Jim When Jim is done with his drink, he yells, yet again "Bring everybody their bill, because when I pay mine, I want everyone else to pay theirs '
A boy scout says to his scout leader, “Sir, is this snake poisonous?” The scout leader says, “No, that snake’s not poisonous at all.” So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror!
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers is that true? Dad: To be honest, i never knew she sold flowers.
..At Taco Bell.
but I need to think it, over.
But she figured out I was only after my money.
Seriously, how low can you go?!
I remember when I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
It's a really small number, you've probably never heard of it.
A man who runs behind gets exhausted.
They both died to become the icon of saving.
No text found
it's too far to walk back.
I take an ordinarily terrible pun and take it even father.
Because today they got into a fight, and 2021! Happy new year y’all!
‘Morning’ the walker shouted. ‘No, just having a shit’ the man replied.
I thought it was a nice jester.
Give a man a poisoned fish, and you’ll feed him for a lifetime!
It scares the shit out of their guidedogs.
He quiets the audience by raising his hand and then begins to speak… "Uno…" "Dos…" And then he vanished without a Tres.
Husband: Alright, I'll tell you the truth… But, you have to promise not to get angry no matter what I say Wife: I promise Husband: I'm fucking your sister