Went to a stables looking for work and the stable master asked “Have you ever shoed a horse?”
"No, but I told a donkey to fuck off once."
People in I’m r/im14andthisisdeep said that this comic would fit in this subreddit
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Why does Trump take Xanax?
For Hispanic Attacks.
I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Three couples check into a hotel for their honeymoons.
The man at the front desk has a game he likes to play. When the first couple checked in, he asked the bride what her job was. She said she was a maid. The man thought to himself "Maids are hot. This guy's going to have a fun honeymoon." When the next couple checked in, he asked the bride the same question. She told him she was a nurse. The man at the front desk thought "nurses are even sexier. This guy's going to get laid." The third couple checked in right after. The same question was asked. The bride said she was a high school teacher. The man behind the desk scoffed. "Teachers are so strict." He thought. "They'll probably go right to bed." Just an hour later, the first groom came down to eat. "Already? I thought you'd be spending the night with your new wife." Said the man "I tried!" Replied the groom. "But she insisted on tidying up the room." Another hour passed, and the second groom came down to get some food. The man asked "What are you doing down here so early?" And the groom said "Every time I tried to have sex with her, she just told me I wasn't clean enough." The man expected the third groom to come down soon, but he never did. He waited for hours and how's. Right near the end of his shift, the man finally saw the third groom come down, looking extremely tired. "There you are!" Said the man. "Did you get enough sleep?" "I never slept." Replied the groom. "My wife kept saying "We're going to do this again and again until you get it right."
A guide on how to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12
Why does the Swedish Navy have bar codes on their ship?
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.
Steve Irwin died as he lived.
With animals in his heart.
I called the tinnitus help line
It kept ringing
What did the light house keeper do when he lost his job?
He became a maid, he was already accustomed to performing light house work.
What did they call the race car driver who won with a hen strapped to the hood of his car?
Number One with a Pullet.
How do you make holy water?
Boil the heck out of it.
You know what happens if you don’t pay your exorcist?
You get repossessed.
Why was the vegan afraid of outer space?
Because it was filled with Meatorites.
A man is poor so he gets a job at the juice store…
He is so happy with his job and he works very hard all day and all night. He impresses his manager and he soon gets promoted to supervisor. As supervisor, he does a great job keeping watch over the employees and is a great leader. After six months, he has done such a good job he gets promoted to manager. When the man is manager, he remodels the juice store and always makes sure he is the last one to leave the store every night. He is very hard-working and always wears a smile. One day, he catches the attention of the company president, who quickly promotes him to the company Vice President. The man is stunned and continues to demonstrate his work ethic everyday. Two months later, the company president passes away and the man is suddenly promoted to the company president. Years later, the man sits in his chair on the top floor of his company building, overlooking all of his hard work. In the distance, he sees all of his juice stores, each one with a long line out the door. He sees the orange juice line, the grape juice line, the lemonade line, but something was wrong. The man suddenly realized his big mistake. There was no punch line.
What’s the cutest season?
Awwwtumn.
This morning a clown held the door for me.
It was a nice jester.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
Interviewer: “Describe yourself in three words.”
Me: "Efficient."
There was once a cross eyed teacher
They couldn’t control their pupils
I tried fitting in to a town with wind turbines….
But I just wasn't a big fan.
My wife turned and looked at me screaming, “Did you hear what I just said?!”
Seriously! Who starts a conversation like that?
So I divorced my cross-eyed wife…
We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
I have the heart of a lion…
And a life time ban from the Central Park Zoo
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?
Plastic Explosives.
I tried my wife’s essential oils for the first time today.
Worst french fries I've ever had.
A schoolteacher explains to her class that she is a football fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are football fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand? "Because I'm not a football fan, " she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well if you are not a football fan, what sport are you a fan of? "I am a basketball fan and proud of it, " Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a basketball fan? " "Because my mum is a basketball fan, and my dad is a basketball fan, so I'm a basketball fan too!" "Well, " said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a basketball fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then? Mary smiled, and said…………… "then I'd be a football fan."
I lost my mood ring today.
I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Genie: You have only one more wish left.
Me: I wish I was a star. Gen⭐e: We⭐rd but okay.
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
What did the farmer do when he lost his wife?
He tractored down.
My son may be a good father…
But I'm a grandfather.
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers
The Times are rough
Given the Cheeto Bandito’s track record with dictators, this should be a no brainer
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