We’re all just simulations anyway
But they'll recoup.
Well I've got two night stands and a double bed
But, smoking bacon will cure it.
My preferred pronouns are He/Hee
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
Because Rick Astley is British.
3 guys have a sleep over after watching a scary movie, they all decide to stay in the same bed. The next morning the guy on the left says " last night i had the best dream a beautiful blonde girl was wanking me off " The guy on the right says " That's strange I had a similar dream except the girl was a brunette " The guy in the mindle saying " Fuck sake I had a dream I was skiing "
Then I know it will never come for me
Cop: “Sir, that’s not how a sobriety test works.”
IT'S FUCKING r/aww
On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.
People from Dubai don't like The Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do.
His name is Carson.
I now have four.
He asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I’m off to New York. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.” Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. “Where are you going?” she asks. “I’m coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year.”
I was really embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set. So I quickly threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
They are greeted by st. Peter at the pearly gates. He welcomes them and then says "But be careful, there are lots of ducks in heaven. If you step on any you will be punished". The girls go in and the first one steps on a duck right away and the ugliest man in existence gets chained to her for eternity. The second girl steps on a duck after about a week and the second ugliest man is chained to her for eternity. The third girl, however, never steps on a duck and the most beautiful man she had ever seen was chained to her. "What did I do to deserve such a nice thing?" she asks God. God looks at her and says, "He stepped on a duck."
No, but April may!
now the amount of girls I made wet this year is -1. 🙁
A private tutor!!! Ha!
How do you ruin a joke?
Do you die from exhaustion?
She looked surprised…
He’ll be born in February.