What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday…the rest are weekdays.
You drop it in water. If it sinks: girl ant. If it floats…
…you become a vacuum cleaner. And furthermore, true house cleaners aren't just born, they're maid.
A man recently immigrated to a new land were he doesn’t speak the language. His fellow workers take him to lunch everyday. One of them teaches him to order Apple Pie and Coffee for himself. For weeks, this is all he orders.
Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs. Waitress: Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual? Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs! Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well? . . . . . . Man: … Apple Pie and Coffee.
But I better get this shit off my chest.
… are really going against the grain.
Last night, for example, I couldn’t fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.
So when they dock they can Scandinavian
And the result was staggering.
… and a lady looks at him and says: 'Gross.' To which the German replies: 'Danke!'
So I walked into a weight loss clinic once and spilled an entire box of milk duds all over the floor…
It was the best game of hungry hungry hippos that I had ever seen!
I waited as long as I could but nobody came, so I just washed them myself.
The assistant replied “ammonia cleaner” I said “I’m sorry, I thought you worked here”
He looked bewildered and replied, "Who, me?"
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken.
Thousands of miles.
She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies: "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly: "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
It's really time consuming. Especially if you go for seconds.
Reddit fills your mind with thoughts. Instagram fills your mind with thots.
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French…
New Hampshire Primary Voters: Show us proof you voted yesterday, and we’ll give you a cool flair! :)
Continuation of this thread, which focuses on the Iowa Caucuses.We are planning on expanding the flair program to primary voters in all 50 states. If you have any ideas for perks or extras we can throw in, please let us know via modmail. Right now, only New Hampshire voters can submit flair requests.Iowa caucus goers are also encouraged to use the same form to submit their late request. Later states will be given the chance to submit their requests once their primaries or caucuses have occurred.NEW HAMPSHIRE VOTERS: CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR FLAIR IF YOU VOTED!Simply provide evidence of your participation (any ‘I Voted’ sticker or other supplemental documents are allowed), and we’ll add a user flair similar to my account to your account.Special Discord Channel AccessVerified voters will also get special access to our exclusive Voter Only Discord channel. To gain access to this, include your Discord account ID in your above submission, and we’ll add you to this channel.Have a good day!
He was so full of himself.
Then he'd have a full orca straw.
When it's told by a Catholic Priest. Then it's a Father joke.
I said “Don’t worry we’ll all be in the same boat”
The head poncho.
It’s pretty lit.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
They both eliminate free radicals.
Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.