What are you doing step bro?
I fear the wurst.
If nobody's home he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table.
I told her, " You must be sitting on the F5 key, because that butt is refreshing." … She said, "No it's Alt +F4". I just got shut down.
And if you ask me, it’s about time.
Oops, posted this in the wrong place.
I have an uncle, once removed.
It’s a non-prophet organization
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Officer: I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a horrible car accident Husband: But she has a great personality.
I told him by the time he got his license and was old enough to drive it, it would be a Sheeporghini
It's pasture bedtime
A guy goes on vacation in the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. The mother-in-law dies. So the couple goes to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home, but it will cost over $5,000, whereas burying her in the Holy Land would cost only $150. “We’ll ship her home,” says the husband. The undertaker asks, “Are you sure? That’s an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here.” The husband says, “Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”
Aisle B, back.
I yelled “scissors, I win!” and drove off. He’s been chasing me for 45 minutes now… I'm pretty sure he wants a rematch.
It’s really hard to pull off.
No text found
why does it bring out people's inner child?
Then she looked in the freezer
A plant-based beef. P.S. [This is my first joke, pls don't judge too harshly]
That sail has shipped.
Sounds weird, dozen tit?
I’m just trying to obey the 2nd law of thermodynamics like a good boy.
Also heard something like:Faster you go slower the time around you. So if you move as fast as light ,which is the limit, the time will stop around you. And if you go faster than light you will travel back in time.(I’m not sure of that information so please correct me if I’m wrong)
So I gave him a glass of water…
No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, “You know, I’d like another one.”
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender asks him what’s with the steering wheel? He replies…
"Arghhh, I don't know but it's been drivin' me nuts all day"
Ok, it's not that funny, only a 3 star joke
It's different to the other jokes.
A Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whispers, "I have a big penis. I just wrap it around the bar and stay put. Go offer the owner 30 bucks for me. He'll take it." The man walks out of the store with the parrot and takes him home. They become best of friends. They talk sports, politics, current events. The man could not be happier. One day the man gets home from works and the parrot beckons him over with his wing…"Psst…come here. I need to talk to you." "What?" "It's about your wife." "Yeah, what about her?" "And the postman. Today he knocked and she answered the door in a skimpy black negligee." "What!" "Yes. And then they embraced in a long passionate kiss," the parrot went on. "Holy shit…that can't be possible." "It is. Then they went over to the couch and she slipped him out of his uniform and then things started to get really steamy." "Well," the man asks,"what happened next?" "I don't know," said the parrot. "I got a hard on and fell off my perch."
A blast from the past!