What band confuses women in the #MeToo movement?
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I now live in constant fear
Because it has no home button.
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But he spends all his time on his dashboard
So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
A rip off.
Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the gold!
It’s the little things that count.
She said "Fuck you". So I'm pretty excited for 2019.
He didn't make the cut.
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons." The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"
It tells you exactly where you arrrr!!!
by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
Pun in, ten dead.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.
Oh how the stables have turned.
The train driver spots them and starts hooting but they ignore it. He applies brakes so hard and the train stops just a few yards away from the couple. Driver jumps from the engine and walks to the boy who just finished and is standing up and zipping up his pants. The driver shouts out to the boy "Do u realize that if I had not seen u, this would have been ur last f…!!! Boy -'Listen dude, you were coming, She was coming and I was coming, then I realised only You have Brakes.
Would I be mist?
It's the Wurst Käse scenario Credit: Twitter, Bruce Lawson (@brucel)
Noah was standing on the deck.
When the girl gets older, and he stays the same age.
He thinks that I'm paranoid. He didn't say it, but I know he's thinking it.
I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.
A cop drives past my open garage in California, and notices my plants and grow lamps. He stops and shouts, “You better not be growing weed with those lamps!”
“You’re gonna need at least twice the wattage and a lot more room!”
Because dawn is tough on Greece
I would name the other one "DupliKate'
Because they know how to book it.
Student : I is the … Teacher : Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student : OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Until knight fall.