What did Elon Musk say to Grimes before they made X Æ A-12?
i 1 2 ½ 6
A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up!' Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time." A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all." Paddy replied, "No, no, it's genuine enough Mick. My sister won twice last week."
Check out Tender!
Hopefully I won't get locked up for resisting a rest.
It was a pane to replace.
There was nothing in the world he loved more than eyes.
The kids weren't much to look at!
Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. “Thank you for flying with us. The weather is….”
Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, “OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!” Then silence. A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, “I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap…you should see my pants!!” A voice from the back of the plane yelled, “Why don’t you come here and see ours?”
One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Boy: A chair, haha, nice try gran- Grandpa – it's your dog. He's dead Jimmy.
A good party wasn't the correct answer, apparently.
Everyone was dribbling on it.
But you didn't like it.
None. They'll just beat the room for being black.
Me: "No thanks, I'm not much of an athlete. Is it okay if I just pay with my card?"
It means a great deal.
I told her, no, but I wouldn't mind playing with the box they came in.
He wants to become a web designer.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
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John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night” She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?” John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.” She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
Smelmop Smelmop Who?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
The bartender asks "How the hell did you do that ?"
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a doctor but the security guard suspected I wasn't the real McCoy.
RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74
But it's okay because I can stop whenever I want