What did the farmer do when he lost his wife?
He tractored down.
There was nothing in the world he loved more than eyes.
They’re hill areas.
Not all that useful but fun to push down the stairs.
Because of all the red flags.
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He can’t keep the lilies alive.
American: Have you seen the Titanic? Canadian: What's that about? American: Yes it was. A huge one that sank.
There was nothing but de brie.
My math teacher is a bastard.
2020, 24 hours to go…
I can't make it stop but i can help them rise above it. The other day i said to them, “Look, boys…”
A re-seeding airline…
I WANT SAMOA!!
because its dead
He threw in the towels.
I said, “Remember, it’s also son day.”
I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
They were Wright
Because they drink it before it’s cool.
Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. Before you know it, they're getting down to it. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
Einstein says,"Let's play a game. I will ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you will pay me only $5; but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500". The man agrees and the game proceeds. Einstein asks the first question, “What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon?” The man doesn't say a word. He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out $5. He then asks Einstein, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs, but comes down on 4?” Einstein thinks about it for a long time, but fails to answer the question. After almost an hour, he gives the man $500. An irritated Einstein then asks, “Well, so what goes up a hill on 3 legs and comes down on 4?”. The man reaches into his pocket and gives Einstein $5.
It’s hit or miss
I stand corrected.
Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence."
For some reason, the doc kicked us out when we told him our son was due in in 3 months.
You're still using fowl language.
I had one once, it was a real pane in the grass to catch though…
He's helping me build a case to avoid damages.
He stopped at nothing to avoid them.
I’ll hang around here and you go on a-head
A chicken pie in Jamaica costs $2.00. A chicken pie in Trinidad costs $2.40. A chicken pie in St. Kitts costs $2.15.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Click here to find out!
7th grade World history class.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.” I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight for the door I opened the door, and sprinted towards my vehicle. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.” Moral of the story? Always keep the condoms in the car
If you don't get it, it's because it's an inside joke.