What did the fax say?
Being ugly every day sucks.
With a sea saw
Just so everybody knows he's an absolute unit.
But then I was like Na, people wont understand.
Now they have to say, “Donald, duck!”
4 people on a raft each have a cigarette but no way to light them. One of them throws their cigarette over board..
And the raft becomes a cigarette lighter
I guess there’s no need to try pot roast.
TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year’s Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
Guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper
I know, because I kept a log.
A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day. A few days later, he delivers the exact same letter to the same house that he picked it up from. He glances at the mailing address and observes that it is indeed the same as the return address. Anyone can make a mistake, so the mailman puts the letter in the mailbox so that the customer can readdress it for its proper recipient. He thinks nothing of it and finishes his day. The next day, the mailman sees the same mailbox with the flag up. He opens the box and again sees the same letter, nothing changed, but with a new stamp on it. The mailman is perplexed, and thinking to save the customer both time and money, decides to ring the doorbell and inquire about the letter. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, Ding-dong. The door opens and standing there is a stout Buddhist monk, dressed in traditional garb. “Pardon me, sir,” the mailman says, “but you seem to be trying to mail this letter again, and without any changes to the address, it’s only going to end up back at your home in a few days.” “Ah, my letter. Thank you so much for mailing it the other day, it was greatly appreciated. Please do so again” replies the Buddhist monk. “But sir,” says mailman, “you will only waste a stamp, and this letter will be re-delivered to your home a few days from now.” “But that is my intention, dear man,” replies the Buddhist monk. “You see, reposting is the best way to get karma.”
He calls them Mother and Motherfucker.
From a well, actually
Female, she doesn’t let you finish your sentence before suggesting something.
And I think I strained my voice.
But hey, at least I gave it 109.98%
“I used to love tractors.”
One turns to the other and says “you take all those cows over there and round them up into one big group” The other says “what?” The first cowboy says “you herd”
…it smells like burnt nose hair?
As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
I replied "I think it's gonna be a long, long time"
Well, some of the reviews say it’s just a waist of space
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.
"Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
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