What did the painter say after his vehicle was stolen?
Where’d the Van Gogh?
Why didn’t the Mexican archer fire his bow?
He didn’t habanero
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
He woke up
Two different doctors worked together on my knee surgery
It was a joint operation
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.
He said he couldn't complain.
I bought a new pair of gloves today…
…but they're both "lefts". Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
My grandfather died because the medics mistakenly thought he had Type A blood.
Turns out it was a typo.
Why can’t you trust atoms?
because they make up everything.
How do u spell CANADA?
C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?
I once told a joke…
… about Chinese people and the Corona Virus. An overly sensitive and overweight female co-worker said that just because I'm Asian, doesn't mean that the joke wasn't racist… I asked her, "So if i tell a race joke, does it mean I'm a racist?" She responded, "Yes, telling a joke based on a race makes you a racist!" I then asked, "What if i told a fat joke? Would that make me a fatist?" She thought for a while before replying… "Well, yes… that would make you a fatist…" I looked at her and replied, "No, you're the fattest!"
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support around here, people are gonna think we’re nuts!
porno_collection.zip
* sigh * unzips
Where do cyclops’ party?
Eyebiza.
If the opposite of “pro” is “con”,
Then the opposite of “progress” is “Congress” (Dads can be woke too)
What is it called when an amputee does karate?
Partial arts
I snacked on fire ants and now I have heart burn!
Guess I should take an antacid….
Me: Sir, you can’t give me a ticket for speeding. I am planning to run a Marathon today.
Cop: Stop playing the race card.
My brother couldn’t pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What’s an atom with a bad sense of humor?
Not a laughing matter.
Pizza clerk: We have a special today – buy one pizza, get the second one free
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !
What’s E.T. Short for?
So he can fit in his spaceship
Where do you store dad jokes ?
In a dad-a-base
My buddy is really upset at losing a promotion at work to an attractive, older woman.
I said, “Don’t cry over skilled MILF.”
If I had to rate the Solar System
I would give it one star
Why are Americans so stupid?
Because we shoot the ones who go to school.