What did the shy pebble wish for?
That she was a little boulder.
I heard they're big metal fans.
Apparently they are desperate to get a photo of A hole that sucks all your time and energy.
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." One friend further asked, ‘But your wife is also slim and energetic?’ Grandpa said, ‘that is another secret, my wife use to follow me behind checking whether I go for 5 kms or sit in a park!!!
“No sir, your pizza will be round.”
Me: “Actually, we’d like him to keep his liver.”
But that was a type-O
Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.
I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.
he felt his presence
…I still love vista baby.
I said "No, I think all kids smell like that"
Picking his nose!
That's when I had to put my foot down.
But he came unarmed :/
"385, my liege." "Okay, round them up." "400, my liege."
Its like he's never seen a penis before.
Then she noticed me, so we went for a run instead.
There would be mass confusion.
I slept with a girl that works at Amazon last night. I got a text from her today that said: “People who slept with me also bought a STD kit and this 5 star genital wart cream.”
So I packed all her clothes and left.
Too much paperwork.
Now he is a hopster
She walks up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and say she wants to join. He can barely contain his laughter, and decides to have some fun with her before he tells her off. "Do you even own a bike?" he asks. "I do. It's parked right outside." "Do you swear?" "More than a fucking sailor." She says. "Do you drink?" "Like a fish." The leader is surprisingly impressed, and asks one more question. "Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The old lady thinks for a minute, and then says "No, but I've been swung around by the nipples before."
I hate these multi-level marketing schemes.
But he was so good I didn’t give a shit.
A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.
"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner. "Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse – good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse – mostly good for companionship." "That sounds interesting. What about the one swimming in the lake over there?" the lottery winner says. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."
Hindsight will be 2020.
The title says it all.