What do gender identities and the twin towers have in common?
… There used to be two of them, and now everyone is REAL SENSITIVE about it
Nothing, they were stuck up cunts
I know because I kept a log
It was called Diffi cult.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
but turn out, it was nothing more than just my imagine asian.
Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.
It was 10 years ago today that my best buddy Dave came running out of the room shouting “ it’s a boy!” with tears tears streaming down his face….
….We never went back to Thailand since!
Me: “Actually, we’d like him to keep his liver.”
I guess that's what I get for getting a pure bread dog.
She’s been raising a lot of red flags.
Americans really do hate the metric system.
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones?" "Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight." she replied. "Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?" The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."
I asked, "Do you come from a LAN down under?"
A single woman looks in her fridge, sees nothing appetizing and goes to bed. A married women looks in her bed, sees nothing appetizing and goes to the fridge.
I mean you either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck into infinite loop of “go ask your mom”.
To cover its butt quack.
FML, now I'm stuck taking care of the puppy.
In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.
Man “I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It’s starting to make me sick”. Wife: “what do you think about me?”
Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".
But anal will make her hole weak.
A four chin teller
Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it…
Hopefully I won't get locked up for resisting a rest.
Student: My dad is in the hospital 1 week later Teacher: Is your dad still in the hospital? Student: Yes, he is a doctor
I said, "What is it?" She said, "I saw you sitting in the park. You were reading your autobiography to your ex." "Hmm," I replied. "Really?" She said, "How do you explain yourself?" I said, "Well, if I read it to you perhaps you'll find out."
Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.
An Abdominal Snowman
Quacks in the pavement.
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
…you've waisted thyme.
Me: Do you have any chameleons? Clerk: I have no fucking idea
Off course we are
Because noble gases don't cause reaction
"Make me one with everything."
I can’t afford anything.