What do Mexicans think about Trumps wall?
They'll get over it.
Being homeschooled sucks.
He said, “This book is lit.”
I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.
That priest is in prison now.
Teacher: What’s the monomer of rubber? Me: Is it monobber?
Well, first you have to dig a deep hole in the woods and fill it half-full of ashes from the fireplace. Then place peas all around the outside of the hole. Finally, you hide in some nearby bushes and wait for a bear to come by. When a bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole. As told to me by my Dad at dinner, every single time peas were served. Miss you, Dad.
It was 10 years ago today that my best buddy Dave came running out of the room shouting “ it’s a boy!” with tears tears streaming down his face….
….We never went back to Thailand since!
it was two-tired
First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows." Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows." Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows." Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp. First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend." Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument." They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting. First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish — let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it." Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
Policeman: Whos car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living? Miner: Mine
"What seems to be the problem?" he asked her. "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!" The gynecologist took a look, chuckled and said, "Those aren't postage stamps, ma'am. They're the stickers off the bananas."
Because bugs are attracted to light
But you don't carrot all. That was corny. Don't beet yourself up about it. This is below my celery. Lettuce go our seperate ways.
Because if they had 4 they'd be called chicken sedans.
Master: Hey boy, what do you got there? Dog: Bark Master: Bark? Well where did you get such an unusual piece of bark? Dog: Ruff Master: The roof? Well how did you get all the way up there? Dog: With the ladder
After several dates, my girlfriend wanted me to meet her parents, so they invited me over for dinner. It did not go well…
During the meal, somebody started playing footsies with me under the table, then gradually moved up and kept rubbing until I came. Later, I told my girlfriend how much I had enjoyed the sexy play during dinner. She got so mad and said that it wasn't her. I guess I got off on the wrong foot.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
I said "Wow! To scale?" He said "No, just to look at"
Baaaaaack to the future
They're always getting laid.
Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?
I said, “Don’t cry over skilled milf.”
I said," No, it doesn't."
One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. He went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The priest gave him the job. One Sunday, the boy ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed, so he fell off the tower and died. "Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? I don't know him, but his face rings a bell."
…does that make it an Edison?