What do you call a denim expert?
At the Pearly Gates they're greeted by Saint Peter Saint Peter: I will let you into heaven if you can show me a spirit of Christmas The first man pulls out a leaf from his pocket and says "this represents the Christmas tree" He is allowed into heaven The second man pulls out his keys "these represent bells" He is allowed into heaven The third man pulls out a pair of women's underwear Saint Peter: good lord what do those represent?! The third man says "oh well these, these are Carols"
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around, eventually.
Because of all the coffin!
Nice belt! Courtesy of my 11-year-old, Ben.
He said, “Go ahead. Knock yourself out!”
Boss said it was because I had no filter
Dragon 1: It's hot in here Dragon 2: Shut your mouth
because they're hiding.
Not everyone gets it
I pleaded, “But baby, it’s cold outside.”
I think it's flabbercasting.
Beer nuts cost 2.50 deer nuts are just under a buck.
It won't do anything to protect you from getting sick, but people will stay six feet away
It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
One has claws at the end of the paws… The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Guess she’s homeless.
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
Especially because his name’s Steve.
They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them
I avoid meet.
STARTLED, BRYAN GASPS ,, "FREDDIE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD?" TO WHICH FREDDIE REPLIES "I WAS BUT I WAS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY A VOODOO PRIEST" "VOODOO?", BRYAN ASKS,"WHATS VOODOO?" "WELL BRYAN", FREDDY SAYS, "ITS A KIND OF MAGIC!"
It's easy, I just sleep during the nights. *(disclaimer — this dadjoke was delivered deadpan by my daughter. She is truly becoming a master)