What do you call a denim expert?
A jeanius.
3 men die and go to heaven
At the Pearly Gates they're greeted by Saint Peter Saint Peter: I will let you into heaven if you can show me a spirit of Christmas The first man pulls out a leaf from his pocket and says "this represents the Christmas tree" He is allowed into heaven The second man pulls out his keys "these represent bells" He is allowed into heaven The third man pulls out a pair of women's underwear Saint Peter: good lord what do those represent?! The third man says "oh well these, these are Carols"
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around, eventually.
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin!
Babies Drinking beer. So funny!!! If your baby didn’t drink beer then YOU’RE A SISSY
https://ift.tt/3cqErSG
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt! Courtesy of my 11-year-old, Ben.
I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anaesthetic…
He said, “Go ahead. Knock yourself out!”
Got fired from my job at the coffee factory
Boss said it was because I had no filter
Two Dragons walk into a bar
Dragon 1: It's hot in here Dragon 2: Shut your mouth
why don’t we ever see elephants hiding in trees?
because they're hiding.
Dark humor is like food
Not everyone gets it
My wife said she was kicking me out of the house if I didn’t stop singing Christmas songs…
I pleaded, “But baby, it’s cold outside.”
I know a film director that only hires overweight actors and actresses, even if they’re terrible.
I think it's flabbercasting.
What is the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts cost 2.50 deer nuts are just under a buck.
Eat a garlic clove with every meal to stop the Coronavirus
It won't do anything to protect you from getting sick, but people will stay six feet away
![Chaplin + Chopin (sound on) [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/no_image_card-170-400x247.png)
What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?
It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
What’s the difference between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of the paws… The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
My Tinder match said she’d talk to me again when she got home…
Guess she’s homeless.
Bouncer: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.
Especially because his name’s Steve.
What do you call Batman who skips church?
Christian Bale
What’s a narcoleptic’s favorite country?
Hibernation
How do Disney princesses screw in a lightbulb?
They hold the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them
I’m a social vegan.
I avoid meet.
FREDDIE MERCURY APPEARS BEFORE BEFORE BRYAN MAY IN A PUFF OF SMOKE
STARTLED, BRYAN GASPS ,, "FREDDIE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD?" TO WHICH FREDDIE REPLIES "I WAS BUT I WAS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY A VOODOO PRIEST" "VOODOO?", BRYAN ASKS,"WHATS VOODOO?" "WELL BRYAN", FREDDY SAYS, "ITS A KIND OF MAGIC!"
Dad, I know how to stay awake for 8 days!
It's easy, I just sleep during the nights. *(disclaimer — this dadjoke was delivered deadpan by my daughter. She is truly becoming a master)
