What do you call a Jewish Knight?
Sir Cumcised
I am an overachiever.
Overdraft…overfed…overtired..
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He PASTAway
Why didn’t the sperm donor have any free time?
Because he had loads to do.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…
She hugged me.
So I got a virus on my computer
And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared. Must have ransomware.
Mom wins.
I'm the Dad. So, we're driving around and we see a "Mobile Paper Shredder" truck. Me: "I don't have any mobile paper." (good Dad joke, right?) Her: "It's all stationary."
My doctor told me I could get a trophy from being on crutches
but all I got were smaller, weaker leg muscles.
What do you call a colour that doesn’t exist?
A pigment of your imagination
What type of shoes do pedophiles wear?
White vans
A drumset is a very deep instrument
It's full of cymballism.
How many lightning bugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but I have no idea how they got in there.
![[True story] My Grandma and Grandpa were arguing. My grandpa exclaimed, “I’m the King, and you’re nothing!” So my Grandma replied…](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/no_image_card-103-400x247.png)
[True story] My Grandma and Grandpa were arguing. My grandpa exclaimed, “I’m the King, and you’re nothing!” So my Grandma replied…
“Oh yeah? Then you’re the King of nothing!”
Put some desks and a blackboard in my living room today…
To make it more classy…
How do you cut the ocean in half?
With a sea saw
My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes
It was the end of my Korea
The doggy swinging is funny, however the old scene kinda makes me sad at the same time?
https://ift.tt/2WP2S5P
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture…
But when I got home, the tables were turned…
Trumpets and Guns
n a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So?" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
Donald Trump gets executed and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly. “But Donald, CNN says you were killed!” Ivanka cried. “Nope!” Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, “fake noose.”
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Skeletons are incapable of movement since they are inanimate objects
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together, we can stop this shit.
Five blondes walk into a bar
You'd think at least one of them would have seen it
CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!
WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT CAUSE ITS SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
I was born with two kidneys,
Now I've got two adult knees.
I took a class about origami and gambling
They told me “you gotta know how to hold em, and how to fold em.” 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️ Dad out.
My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion.
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
