What do you call a yeti tattoo on your stomach?
He still has the right to remain silent.
All the fans left
Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds… So it doesn't get weird.
It was wong on so many levels
He told me that I don’t have a psychiatrist.
They are below the C level.
He made a grave mistake.
She got sick of me.
Lovely woman, useless surgeon…
That is to say they are fucking hard. But the lady was very loud. So the next morning neighbour Jon tells the man: "Look Mike, I'm fine with the youngs having sex, but do you mind putting some tape over her mouth so the rest of us can get some sleep?" So Mike does. That night the young couple begins. After a while Mike calls out "This ok John?" "Yuuup! Fine!" After a while he calls again "This alright Johnny?" "Fiine, fine!" And a third time "This alright, pal?" "Mike! Take the ducktape off!" "What? Why?!" "The entire building thinks you're fucking me!!!"
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner… unannounced at 7:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in. Wife: My hair and makeup aren’t done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I am still in my pyjamas and and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home? Husband: Because he is thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo!
Unless it's 3 am in your house and you don't have children.
Oh, about Ye high
It was ribbiting.
It's time to draw the line.
No text found
Was walking down the street yesterday, seen an ad in the shop window. “T.V FOR SALE, €1, VOLUME STUCK ON FULL”
I said, can't turn that down.
I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you
"Can't I just finish the bar I was making for my house?" "No, that would be counter-productive."
The therapist kindly greets the woman. "What brings you here today?" "I am absolutely terrified of random letters." says the woman. The therapist had never heard of such a phobia before. "You are?" The woman begins to scream. "Oh, I see…" The woman screams even louder.
Please upvote because I want to remove every spot from this house
Now it is Times New Ramen
The experience was jarring.
At her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "…I'm sorry" The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you *fucking* sorry?"
It was a pigment of my imagination.
and ordered a drink. “Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender. “Just call me Hoff,” the actor replied. “Sure,” the bartender said, “no hassle.”
I said that makes two of us
Just bought a new ‘Lesbian Bed’ from Ikea. Instructions say no nuts or screwing involved. It’s all tongue and groove.
Cause they know he actually did it.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
The difference is staggering
Now it's all over the bottom of the oven…
Is sphere itself
Now I'm having a huge vowel movement.
Me: I wish I had a tail. Genje: Wejrd but okay.
I have a very important job in my company. I make sure that there are enough seats when the Directors meet.
Basically, I'm the Chairman of the Board.
But, I just didn't have the patients…