What do you call birds that stick together?
Velcrows
If number 666 is evil,
then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
I just pooped in the elevator
And i took that shit to the next level
i have a hicky from my date with a wizard last night
she was a neck-romancer
You should invest in these stocks:
Chicken, vegetable, and beef. You’ll be a bouillonaire in no time.
Petition to get SpaceX to send a Flat Earther into Space
http://chng.it/BDBrQHFJrk
I invented a new word today
Plagiarism
We should get all the ex-USSR states back together
Then we could have a Soviet re-Union
I just said “No comment” all the way through the police interview.
I didn't get the job.
WHAT DO WE WANT?! Low flying airplane noises! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?!
Neeeeeeeeeeeooowwwwwwwwwww.
My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now
New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey
My son was refusing to eat dinner, so I tried to force feed him.
My wife said, “Use the fricking spoon. You are not a Jedi.”
Donald J. Trump has been impeached
Finally, something he's earned
r/PoliticalHumor 2019 Best Of Awards!
It’s time for Reddit’s Best of 2019 Awards.What a year it’s been here in r/politicalhumor, thanks to everyone for participating.Make your nominations here and/or upvote your favorites.You are welcome to categorize your nominations, i.e:Best PostBest CommentBest of YearOnly one nomination per comment. Please do not nominate yourself. You may only nominate submissions made in 2019.This thread is set to contest mode which sorts comments randomly and hides vote scores. In January, the votes will be tallied and a results thread will be posted. We will give reddit gold to the top submissions!
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates
They will kill your dog
During the quarantine, my 4 year old has been learning Spanish. Yet, he still can’t say please.
Which I think is poor for four.
This STEM discord server has enough energy to emit light In the visual spectrum 🔥
https://ift.tt/37QiCtg
I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
Hillary under investigation=guilty, but Trump under investigation=witch hunt.
https://ift.tt/2WLlJPk
The best advice my dad gave me was to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.
She knows how to make bad decisions, yet stick by them.
What’s the opposite of urine?
I'm out
How did Jesus pay for our sins
He used praypal
Having gay parents must be really difficult.
Either twice the Dad jokes or an infinite loop of “Go ask your mom”.
My wife said she’s going to leave me if I don’t stop with the click bait
You wont believe what happened next!
Some people have trouble sleeping…
…but I can do it with my eyes closed.
A Construction Company
A construction company was once working on a large corporate building. The manager was overseeing it's construction, making sure every beam was squared and every brick was the right shade. After all, he had even hired artists to add bright murals to the place. Halfway through the making of this, a worker approached the manager. The worker says, "Sir, isn't this building a bit colorful for a corporate workplace? I mean, we can barely transport all this dye with the forklift!" To which the manager replies, "Not to worry my friend! It'll work! You just need to expand your pallet!"
“I’m sorry but your wife didn’t make it,” A doctor said as he handed a man his newborn baby.
The man handed the baby back to the doctor. "Then bring me the one my wife did make."
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.
If Mustard cured constipation …..
They'd have to spell it different.
I hate negative numbers.
I will stop at nothing to avoid them
I’ll never forget my Uncle’s last words to me just before he died.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"