What do you call it when an insect colony isn’t cared for?
Negligants.
Trump and Obama are getting a haircut in the same barber shop.
Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse." The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?" Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
Why don’t churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works. š
When I get naked in the bathroom
the shower gets turned on.
I do this with my passwords not this exactly but thought it was funny enough to share.
https://ift.tt/2SHGF9A
Why does a chicken coup have only 2 doors
If it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan. Ok, I'm leaving …..
If you get a link called “free p0rn” don’t opin it.
It's a virus wich deactivates your spelchek and fcuks up you riting. I receibed it but lukily I don't wach p0rn so I dint opin it. Plees warm you frends Wanks
What do you call a rectangle that got into an accident?
… a wrecked angle.
Before my surgery my anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Do you know I tell dad jokes?
He even laughs sometimes.
I got a job as a bullet…
I was fired immediately.
I was told I should be a stand up comedian
But I prefer sitting
How many cops does it take to push a black man off the stairs?
None, he fell off.
When youāre in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil…
Then youāll get a, āSuper Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis!"
![days since last timezone issue [fixed]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/uq0eqz7yvf141-400x400.jpg)
How did Helen Keller know an angel was always watching over her?
It was Heaven-scent
I would post a joke about Buddhism
But I donāt have enough karma
So you died from eating too much gravy?
You went from the ladle to the grave.
What does the word ‘gay’ mean?
asked a son to his father. "It means 'happy,'" replied the father. "Oh," contested the son, "so are you gay, then?" "No, son, I have a wife."
A man rushes into the doctors’ office and screams, “Doctor, Doctor! I swallowed one of those ‘do not eat’ packets in a bag of pepperoni! Am I going to die?” The doctor tries to relax him by saying, “Well, everyone is going to die eventually.”
The man shrieks and responds, "Everyone?! Oh lord, what have I done?"
US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.
The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.
The amount of bad coronavirus jokes is starting to reach worrying numbers.
Some scientists claim it might become a pundemic.
Last night, I was lying in bed gazing up at the stars thinking
Where the fuck is my roof?
Just used some stolen hair dye…
Guess you could say Iām now… Illegally Blonde
Is dark matter todays version of phlogiston, vitalism, the four humors, steady-state model?
https://ift.tt/2AMo9Xl
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.
The audience was different each week so he did the same tricks over and over. The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick. He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot. They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?'
I used to think I understood the Dunning-Kruger effect…
but the more I look into it, the less sure I am.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?
In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
No text found
A joke without a punchline is like
No text found
Why did seven eat nine?
Because you should have three square meals a day!
How to 69
A woman promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is. He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again. Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying āyeah this isnāt really for me, Iām not having 67 more of those in my faceā
My teachers said I couldnāt do poetry because of my dyslexia..
But so far Iāve made two bowls and a vase.