What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter?
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit. Eddit: Leddit be heard, thank you for the silver!
But for whatever reason, it was much more difficult to deter gents.
Are they all they were cracked up to be?
A man arrives to the airport with three bags. He walks up to the counter and says, “I have a ticket for Los Angeles. Would you be so kind as to send this bag to San Francisco, this one to Miami, and if at all possible this one to Japan?” The gate agent replies, “Sir, that is flatly impossible!” He counters, “That’s a lie, you did it last time I flew with you guys and I didn’t even ask!”
My eldest and youngest boys (8 & 3) came in to mine and my wife's bedroom his morning to say good morning. My eldest says that he's hungry at which point, before I could say anything, my 3 yo pipes up. "Hi hungry, I'm Zachy!". So proud…
One says to the other 'I bet I can get dressed faster than you' So each hurriedly puts their socks on, followed by their underwear and trousers, both at the same time. Now the hard part! Each fumbled frantically with their buttoned shirts, quickly but painstakingly ensuring that each button was right – a minute or so later each finished the last button at the same time. The heat was on! It was all down to the last item of clothing! It was a tie.
…and the barber whispers to his customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarters and leaves. ‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That kid never learns!’ Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. ‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?’ The boy licked his cone and replied, ‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!’
That’s a lot to digest.
A fishing pole
He didn’t habanero
and boy are my arms tires.
Pay him for the pizza.
I always knew he liked them young, but this is fucking ridiculous.
I wanted to make a joke out of it, but I think it would be very tasteless.
By turning your phone horizontal before recording any fights. That's all!
They can’t defend the towers
I don’t want to make a spectacle of myself
Edit: Thanks for the likes
Remains to be seen
He sold his soul to Santa.
The first one says: "I'll have H2O, please!" The second one says: "I'll have water too." And comments: "We aren't at work. You don't have to use those terms." The first scientist angrily walks into the bathroom as his assassination attempt has failed
He always wanted to be a millionaire too.
Operator: 911, what's your emergency? Dad: My wife's going into labor, and I don't know what to do. Operator: Is this her first born? Dad: No, this is her husband
THAT'S A SALT!
They did unspeakable things to her.
One asked the other “What type of music do you like?” The other replied “Well I’m a big metal fan”
I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.
… for breakfast.
It got toad.
I told her that makes two of us…
Because their P is silent
He misses you
Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.