What do you get when you wrap a kitten in a blanket?
A lady had lost her husband almost two years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!" Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, she undressed and so did he. There she stood naked, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?" She replied "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning." He knew he was not going to get lucky that night. The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?" He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
Their words, not mine.
My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.
The N’s justify the means.
I said "No it doesn't."
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 1 minute all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
It can write other words too.
Have an awesome 2016! ❤️
That is how i lost my job as a bus driver.
because there's probable caws
I can't stop coming to conclusions.
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3. Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
And then they call me ugly and poor.
But when I didn't pay he came back and repossessed my house
If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.
So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
It was just one ting after another