What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?
They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.
But I don’t have enough karma
She seemed surprised.
A plant-based beef. P.S. [This is my first joke, pls don't judge too harshly]
It's my new year's resolution.
Visitor: "How old is that Tyrannosaurus skeleton?" Guide: "70,000,006 years." Visitor: "Wow. How can you be so precise?" Guide: "They told me it was 70,000,000 years old when I started working here."
She said she was sorry she ever married me.
He used HeHelium
Its literally made of hide.
I’m not joking, but he is.
I made a computer program read 100 jokes from this subreddit, then made it tell a joke based on those. Here’s what it said.
Why did you make me read the same thing 100 times?
It’s a gateway rug
There was a lot of Cross referencing.
Because he is a PM, not an AM
Its going to be directed by Quentin Quarantino.
You get your palm red for free
A duck that didnt duck
Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn’t be affected.
Mom: "It's clearly not." Dad: Sits down "It is now!"
I cant seem to find a parking spot
People from Dubai don't like The Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do.
She couldn’t see that well.
My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?” I replied, “The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus.” He laughed, “A miracle?!”
I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."
but she was just pulling my leg.
The Brexit – you promise to pull out but you don’t
He just came out of the closet.
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay and the surgeon decides to leave the bullets where they are as it is too risky to operate. All is fine for 16 years and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong," asks the mother. "Well, mum, I was having a wee and this bullet came out," replies the daughter. The mother tells her it is okay and explains what happened 16 years before. About a week later the second daughter walks into the room in tears. "Mum, I was having a wee and this bullet came out." The mother tells her what happened 16 years before and tells her not to worry. Another week passes by and the son walks into the room in tears. "It's okay," says the mother, "I know what has happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out." "No," says the boy, "I was having a w*nk and I've shot the dog."
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
Went to see The Joker last night and some guy dressed in a full clown outfit held the door open for me into the theater
I thought it was a nice jester
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tube of super glue. It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.