What does Keanu Reeves use to dry his tears when Keanu Grieves?
… I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.
He must have realised that marriage counted as a union
My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.
I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.
…when I lay it across the keyboard it stretches all the way from A to Z!
Even J.K. Rolling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
Is sphere itself
I said “No sun”
Too many Cheetahs
Then why did the plane crash?
I fell in the mud. Wanna hear a clean one? I took a shower.
So now we use lube
Chatting on the phone with my dad while he was at work. Dad "I've got a light on my helmet so I look like a miner" Me "No, I would say you look about 40" Not even a chuckle from him 😒
My girlfriend is very untidy and never helps clean our place. I finally snapped and told her she needed to do her share. She smiled and said…
“If I could turn back time!!! If I could find a way!!!!"
Credit my uncle, who is an uncle joking but not making uncle jokes. A dad-joker but not my dad.
he put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
At the end of the film, Tony Says "I am Ironman" The line should have been "Hi Inevitable, I'm Dad"
Until she checked the freezer.
No text found
I guess that makes me a groan man.
He conditioned it
How different do you think your life would have been if your parents named you Moe instead of Neil and would you still use your full name?
He threw in the towels.
A child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks what he would like more than anything. The child thinks about it and says, “I’d like to trade places with Donald Trump!”
They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day. So they ask Trump, he obliges. Trump meets the child and asks, "So you want to know what it's like to be president?" The child, disappointed, retorts "No, I just wanted you to have cancer."
Pupils. They dilate.