What else could he say??
A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.
"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.
"That's his trunk, honey," Mom replied.
"No, that other thing," Johnny insisted.
"Oh, you must be looking at his tail," Mom offered.
"No, Mommy, that big thing underneath him, by his belly," Johnny said. Realizing her son was asking about the elephant's penis, Mom got embarassed.
"Oh, that's nothing, sweetie. Daddy went to get some popcorn. When he comes back, he can tell you all about the elephants."
Soon, Dad came back with popcorn, and Mom went to use the restroom. Johnny took the opportunity to question his father. "What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Daddy?"
"That's his trunk, son," Dad said.
"No, Daddy, not his trunk, and not his tail. I mean that big thing underneath, by his belly," Johnny repeated.
"Oh, that," Dad said. "That's his penis, Johnny."
"Huh," mused the five year old. "Mommy said that was nothing."
"Son," sighed Dad, "I've spoiled that woman."
Interviewer: Well, to start out in the beginning, you will be at a $30,000 salary, but later that number could go up to $50,000 or even $60,000. Man: Ok, I’ll come back later then.
He's a small arms dealer.
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It’s an extremely rare dish order…
To get to the other tide.
Probably because he was never around
Because they’re a pane to replace.
Because they stick. I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.
Edit: Thanks for the gold!
But it’s definitely up there.
This morning at breakfast, my dad looked at us very seriously and said, “It hurts me when I say this..”
..”But I have a sore throat.”
Take your foot off his head. ** Edit: Some people PM'd me to tell me they found this offensive. I reread it and I agree. Here is the updated version of the joke: Q. How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning? A. Take your foot off his or her head. Again, I apologize to any feminists out there for my originally posted version.
she would have $0.77
That was not a good sign.
It was a big success. Everyone came. You should have see her face.
Clooney said, "I'll produce." DiCaprio said, " I'll direct." McConaughey said, " I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."
I prefer to think of it as a father figure.
"No, but I told a donkey to fuck off once."
If the Queen of England farts during dinner, the rest of the guests must pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction.
So that I could fit the rest of the socks in the drawer
…since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
But when I got home, they were still there.
They're prime mates…
It was an ether/oar situation.
There’s no going back now…
19 and easy to spread
I have a complex complex complex…
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.
When the wife said to me, “You spoil those dogs.”