What has 4 letters , sometimes has 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.
Just a hint: I didn't ask a question
How are you supposed to know its funny if the background doesn’t tell you so??
https://ift.tt/2UxT6W5
I’ve never gone to a gun range before.
I decided to give it a shot.
Do you know why people are buying up all the toilet paper?
Because people are losing their shit.
Dieting is really easy
As long as you're poor
Four engineers get into a car. The car won’t start.
The Mechanical engineer says: – "It's a broken starter". The Electrical engineer says: – "Dead battery". The Chemical engineer says: – "Impurities in the Gasoline" The IT engineer says: – "Hey guys, i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
I don’t trust people who do acupuncture.
They’re all backstabbers
A blonde got tired of blonde jokes…
One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all of the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.
*Introducing my girlfriend to the family*
Mom: Don't settle for this, you deserve better.. Me: But mom, I lov….. Mom: I was talking to her.
What do you call a 3.14m long snake?
A πthon.
My mate David had his ID stolen…
… I now call him Dav.
So I’m in my garage and my wife walks in.
She yells STAMPEDE!!! And threw a handful of animal crackers at me. I'm giggling like a schoolgirl.
Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls.
Sadly, I was in the women’s bathroom.
Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip
Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, "my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners." The Rabbi says "my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes steal from the Temple." The Islamic imam says, "my sin is gluttony. At least once a week I go to the liquor store for a six-pack and then head to McDonalds in the middle of the night and get a big bag of Big Macs, Bacon cheese burgers and fries and eat and drink it all while sitting in the parking lot." The Baptist minister says, "My greatest sin is gossip and I can't wait to get back to town!"
I had to get a loan to pay for an Exorcism
They said if i didn't pay it back on time i'd be repossessed
Last night, I was lying in bed gazing up at the stars thinking
Where the fuck is my roof?
I haven’t understood a single joke since this quarantine started.
They must all be inside jokes.
Took a demolitions class, first day was a train-wreck.
No text found
I need a special pair of spectacles to read legal documents…
Contract lenses.
I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal
Elongate would be really drawn out.
Why did the doctor get angry ?
Because he lost his patients .
A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act.
"You're going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket" But, officer, I didn't catch these — they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done they jump back into the bucket. "Oh really? This I've got to see. If you can prove it, I'll let you go." The fisherman empties the bucket into the lake and waits patiently. A few minutes go by and nothing happens. Game warden: So where are the fish? Fisherman: What fish?
Who do you call a guy with a block of iron on his head?
A metalhead \M/
Online college
Worst virus my college servers has every been exposed to. When you been an online college student and now all these other students are taking online classes and the college servers can not handle this coronavirus
A dog runs up to their master carrying an unusual stick.
Master: Hey boy, what do you got there? Dog: Bark Master: Bark? Well where did you get such an unusual piece of bark? Dog: Ruff Master: The roof? Well how did you get all the way up there? Dog: With the ladder
When you develop a browser extension that is not scalable enough to handle 1,400 tabs!
https://ift.tt/33SC4VL
Prove us wrong, Sen. Kelly Loeffler, wife of the chairman of the New York Stock Exchange
https://ift.tt/3fCrkjN
a communist joke isn‘t funny until every one gets it. ..
No text found
I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, “Does anyone know CPR??”
I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!" Everyone laughed… Well, everyone except this one guy.
It’s really weird playing Uno with a Mexican.
They never get any green cards.
My therapist told me to write letters about people I hate and burn them.
I did that but now I don’t know what to do with the letters
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
