What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
Mystery Ink Reddit Bull, Claims Alaska Girl
Pics are expected to prove supposed underground print version of famed forum made with "disappearing ink" a hoax.
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
How do you know a redditor has left a hotel?
Username checks out
Are you tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?!
Just boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later!!
I just traded our luxury bed for a trampoline
My wife hit the roof
I’ve just started up a dating site for chickens.
Its not my normal day job, I'm just doing it to make Hens meet.
My daughter was involved in a peekaboo related injury
She’s currently in the I.C.U
The only thing Flat Earthers fear…
…Is sphere itself.
Some people are really worried about getting trapped in a cave full of minerals
but to me that's just a minor problem
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw the bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
A police officer just pulled me over. The officer came up to my window and said “papers?”
I yelled “scissors, I win!” and drove off. He’s been chasing me for 45 minutes now… I'm pretty sure he wants a rematch.
Do you need an ark?
I Noah guy.
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing
But it's what's inside that counts
There are 10 types of people in the world
Those who understand Binary and those who don't.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.
Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.
What room do ghosts avoid?
The living room
Talking to my girlfriend… does this count?
Gf: “I don’t know what you see in me.” Me: “Nothing, I don’t have x-ray vision.” Gf: “You know what I mean.” Me: “Nope. Don’t have telepathy either.”
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain
To keep each udder dry
A man tried to sell me a coffin today
I told him that was the last thing I needed.
Is it true ? I think it’s the temp of the surface of the sun ? What do you think?
https://ift.tt/2LuHVby
Coronavirus ruining your plans for 2020? Save them for 2022!
Cause 2022 is 2020 too.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me!
Jail is more than just a word…
… it's a sentence
Can you believe I was thrown out of my church for claiming Jesus spoke with a lisp?
It was a real slap in the faith…
I went to the doctors for the first time in a long while. He told me I had a piece of lettuce hanging out of my ass
I told him it’s just the tip of the iceberg
When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
Coronavirus, right off the bat.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive…
It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.