What I swear my documentation looks like.
But when it comes to relationships, they ain't fucking around.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.
Stuck in their apartment with their kid during the COVID quarantine, the Smith’s are desperate to fuck…
So they send little Johnny out on the balcony with a popsicle and a notebook with the directions to log what all the neighbors are up to during the quarantine. After they finished with their twenty minute alone time, Mr. Smith lets Johnny back in from the balcony. ”So, Johnny, what did you find out?” Johnny looks at his notebook: Well, Christopher is practicing his saxophone. The Jones family started a garden on their balcony… The Golds are busy repainting their apartment… And, Mr. and Mrs. Brown are busy fucking.” ”What?! How do you know the Browns were… uh… making love?” Mr. Smith asks. Johnny answers: “Well, because, my friend George Brown was out on his balcony with a popsicle and a notebook!”
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The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze. Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted – "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?" The old man replied – "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wondering if you're my grandson".
At least that's what I told him when he saw it.
A kid walks into a whore house with a dead frog. He goes to the front desk and sets his dead frog up on the counter top. The man at the desk says, we don't allow kids here. The kid puts $100 bill on the counter and the man replies, ok what do you want? The kid says, I want to have sex with the girl here that has the most STD's I can get. We don't have women like that here sorry buddy. The kid then puts another $100 bill on the table. Ok kid, all the way down the hall last door on the left. The kid comes out of the room after awhile and as he's walking out the front door the man stops him. Hey kid, why in the world would you do that? You basically just killed yourself. The kid looks up at him and says, I'm going to go home and fuck my babysitter. My parents are going to come home then my dad will take the babysitter home and he will fuck the babysitter. My dad will come home and he will fuck my mom. My dad will leave for work in the morning and the mail man will come and my mom will fuck the mail man and that's the mother fucker who ran over my frog.
Because they can’t even
The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”
I called the doctor and screamed, “Quick! My pregnant wife’s going into labor, what should I do?” He said, “Calm down, is this her first child?”
I shrieked, “No! This is her husband!"
I've heard there is 8 stories.
Nothing…. it just let out a little wine.
Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten? Kristen: sure. Christen: Thank you. Kris: Anytime.
THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS
A re-seeding airline…
Like the Smith family were blacksmiths and the Bowman family were archers and the Dickinson family… well they were in jail
With a whole profession built around copy and pasting stack overflow it only makes sense you guys would copy and paste the same jokes over and over again
Be tall, it's much better.
So many questions, Who's blood is that? How did you get it? Was the bucket even sanitized before you filled it with blood.
The feathers. Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
Yeah me either, he couldn't make the cut.
I went to go help. He didn’t stand a chance against the 5 of us. Edit: can someone explain all the letters?
I said "Yes, but I'm going to get whiskey instead"
He told me that I don’t have a psychiatrist.
Because then it'd be a foot.
My friend just phoned and asked me if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent… And you know me always willing to help my friends and family out… I told her…"give me a minute let me check my account and I'll phone u right back." Before I could check my account my friend's mom phones and says, "Don’t give her any money because she's lying.” Mom proceeds to tell me that she wants to use that $500 to get her boyfriend out of jail because she wants to be under the same roof with him for her birthday!!! So I thought about it for a minute, and decided to go ahead and give her the $500 cuz we all need help at times… So I phoned her back and said, "yea, I can help you" and met her and gave her an envelope of cash. A couple hours later, I got a call from the County Jail, I say hello and she starts screaming and asking, “Why did you give me counterfeit money?!" I replied: " so you and your boyfriend would be under the same roof for your birthday!!!"