What is a pumpkin’s circumference divided by a pumpkin’s diameter?
Pumpkin Pi
What’s the best reward for a knock knoc joke?
A no-bell price
I remember the cop and acorn one that was quite random actually
I remember the cop and acorn one that was quite random actually
When mom walks in…
When mom walks in…
Three priests gathered together for a drink .
During their get together ,the hoast ask the other two : How do you split your money with the Lord ? "I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest. The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" . "How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest. I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.
Why are tigers always honest?
Because they aren't lion
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump…
But that’s comparing apples to oranges.
NSFW Back in the 1990’s, a baby boy was born without eyelids.
His parents go to a plastic surgeon and the surgeon finds out the boy hasn’t been circumcised yet. The foreskin has nearly the same tissue as the eyelids, so the surgeon suggests a procedure using the baby’s foreskin to fix this problem. Ecstatic, the parents agree. After a few hours of surgery, it was a success! The boy is fine now, he’s just a little cock-eyed.
My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding
After that she refuses to play Scrabble with me.
About 1,375 olives are pressed in order to make 1 liter of olive oil, 8,435 sunflower seeds to make a liter of sunflower oil…
Don't even get me started on baby oil
I once had sex with a girl in an apple orchard
I then came in cider.
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your Jeans.
I like my women like I like my coffee,
hot and all over my crotch when I’m driving.
This morning I got on the scales to weigh myself…
my wife walked by and I sucked in my gut, she said "That won't help" I said "Yes it will, now I can see the numbers"
Your uncle David just lost his ID
Now you can call him uncle Dav.
What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while.
My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Every kind of clickbait does these simple things:
No text found
My favourite sex position is called “WOW”…
… its where i flip your MOM over im sorry
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in water
If it drowns, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.
I got gas today for $1.39
Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
An attempt at OC after one year on Reddit.
I slept with a girl that works at Amazon last night. I got a text from her today that said: “People who slept with me also bought a STD kit and this 5 star genital wart cream.”
Want to make your water bed more bouncy?
Use, spring water.
So many people these days are too judgemental
I can tell just by looking at them
When you have studied too much organic chemistry the past days and get this advertisement email
https://ift.tt/35x0iF1
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
DAD: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? SON: Envelope.
I Don’t Understand Why People Have Been Hating On The Police.
Roxanne is a really good song.
My kid just told me she’s scared of Santa.
She’s Claustrophobic