What is Gordon Ramsay’s favorite subreddit?
It’s fucking r/aww
He was afraid of Capitalism.
He is basically a giant banner.
She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again
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Your wife will never refuse an opportunity to blow your bonus.
One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler…
For example : airport security
I'm trying to leave, but all the roads have this weird design flaw…
I responded with, "no, but we can arm wrestle any day."
Everyone was dribbling on it.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."
It causes the microphones to rust
She wanted the Task Manager.
Does money even matter?
My boss accused me of stealing, and fired me from my job at the furniture store. But I regret nothing.
Sometimes you have to take a stand.
Well the flag is a big plus!
unfortunately, I mist.
At least he told us to be positive.
A guy in the back shouts "you don't have enough bullets"
There was an island with three kingdoms on it. Let's call them A, B and C. The island had a fresh water lake on it and the lake itself had an island. The three kingdoms always kept fighting over this island. One day the three kingdoms decided to settle this dispute once it for all and sent small portions of their armies. Kingdom A sent 15 knights and 25 squires; kingdom B send 20 knights and 25 squires and Kingdom C sent one knight and one squire. The knights decided among themselves that this fighting was beneath them and decided to let the squires settle things by themselves. While the squires of Kingdom A and Kingdom B were warming up, the squire of Kingdom C erected a tall pole, tied a noose to it and hung a pot in the noose. When they actually started fighting, the squire of kingdom C was able to successfully fight off all the other squires, because the squire of the high-pot-and-noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Guess you could say I’m now… Illegally Blonde
Surprising since most Aussies like to boo meringue.
Dad to be:"Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver"
"Well you won't, but one of the smart kids might" he replied cheerfully
I went to my girlfriend’s house expecting to see her. It was my girlfriend’s sister ( very beautiful) who opened the door in a slutty dress. She asked me to enter the house and said no one is coming home for another 5 hours, she then placed her hands on my shoulders and came close to me. I stopped her and left the house. I got into my car and immediately someone knocked on the door, I looked around to see my girlfriend. And her dad, mom and sister were standing outside. I got out of my car and my girlfriend hugged me tight and said it was a test and you passed. Her parents and sister also hugged me for being a good boyfriend. Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in the car